Come, come, nuclear bomb

We have only three weeks to live in the case the Mayans were right. So, in terms of public service announcements, I will be writing a bit more on various visions of how life has been cinamatically wiped off of Earth in movies, and how people have come to terms with the fall of civilization.

During the time of the Cold War, there was an ever-looming threat of the United States and the Soviet Union wiping each other out by their massive arsenals of nuclear missiles. The threat of nuclear war went so far as to treaten the very destruction of life on Earth, particularly in the Bay of Pigs crisis in 1961.

That's why nuclear disaster has also inspired a great number of filmmakers for decades. James Cameron wouldn't have as successful a career without the threat, for one. I'll take a look at three visions of events leading to nuclear disaster, which take different viewpoints.

Fail-Safe (1964)
Director: Sidney Lumet

One of the most famous Cold War thrillers that faced the threat of nuclear annihilation was this film, based in part on the same book as Dr. Strangelove. Fail-Safe deals mostly with sweaty politicians trying to fix the catastrophy a minor error causes, to little avail. For anyone who has seen Strangelove, the film is a little hard to take seriously since it shares a number of plot twists and turns with Kubrick's satire classic. Nevertheless, the film is held to high acclaim today, thanks in large part for Lumet's unrelentingly dramatic direction and strong lead performances.

A radar alert for possible intrusion to US airspace causes nuclear bombers to fly off to Moscow. It is soon found out that an out-of-course airline plane was the cause of the alert, and the Rush'N Attack is meant to be called off. But a human mistake, as well as Russian radio wave jammers, cause the message not to reach the bombers. High tensions with the Soviet Union leaders would cause them not to believe any explanation of the accident. The President (Henry Fonda) is called to make tough decisions to make sure mankind would survive the tragic catastrophy. And this includes doing the unthinkable, attacking New York City by themselves.

The film uses stark contrasts and is shot mostly indoors, in stuffy cabinets, with people watching monitors and radars. There's a strong sense of claustrophobia since neither the characters nor the viewers have any means of getting out of the sticky situation. Most of the time the film plays like a chamber drama, with the tensions arising in discussions and the stakes getting to impossible heights. In the end the president's solution is quite hard to swallow. This twist makes the otherwise naturalistic film drive off the cliff of being too fantastic. But the incredible final scene, shot in an expressionist manner, makes up for most of the major flaws in the movie's script.

★★★ 1/2

The Day The Earth Caught Fire (1961)
Director: Val Guest

While Americans tend to look upwards to authority figures and decision-makers, the Brits tend to choose more down-to-earth viewpoint characters in their catastrophy films. Made on the same year as the Bay of Pigs Invasion took place, Val Guest's thriller is a nuclear disaster only indirectly. It's still quite clear the fear of the cloud and tempering with the power of the atom is the catalyte for disaster here. The movie centers on reporters out to make a story on the fall of planet Earth.

The young Peter Stenning (Edward Judd) and the experienced Bill Maguire (Leo McGuire) are reporters for the London-based Daily Express. Stenning has gone through a messy divorce and is in a slump of his career, getting only boring assignments. The friendly Maguire attempts to help him out when he can. While investigating odd weather reports, Stenning realizes something horrible. The recent nuclear tests ran by both United States and the Soviet Union have caused the Earth's rotation to change and hurl the planet closer to the sun. Nothing can survive the rising temperatures, unless drastic measures are taken to fix the situation.

The film perhaps suffers a bit for imitating the studio-era Hollywood style rather than embracing a bit wilder 60's aesthetics. The film's scenes of pandemonium and looting look awfully tame when compared to the news reports that began to flood in during the same decade all across the world. Yet the film features several awfully clever visual ideas. One is to tell the back story in flashback in regular black-and-white, while the moments of reckoning are shot in a scorched sepia-typed tone. One can almost feel the temperature rising while watching this. Guest manages to tighten the suspense sufficiently, although wastes time for a pretty tacked-on romantic subplot. Another great idea is to close the film on ambiguous church bells. What will the future bring? We may never know.

★★★

Threads (1984)
Director: Mick Jackson

Another British drama, film this goes to lengths not possible two decades before. The 80's were a lot more cynical and not as much on the edge as the common atmosphere 60's. It seemed that there was no doubt nuclear annihilation would come. The question was only, when. The film tells the documentary-styled ugly story of total nuclear devastation in England, as seen through the eyes of two families of regular people. They have no particular hopes or dreams, except for to survive. The film is made-for-TV, but in its effectiveness it's been raised on the level of other movie classics. Shows how TV is thought to be the inferior medium. Even it's major classics are always compared to cinema.

In Sheffield, northern England, the families of Becketts and Kemps come together since the proposal of Jimmy Kemp (Reece Dinsdale) to Ruth Beckett (Karen Meagher). At the same time, Cold War is going global and heating up, fast.

Fear grips England and people start hoarding food and survival supplies in case of the worst-case scenario. Loud protests and riots erupt on the streets, which Chief Hirst (Michael O'Hagan) is unable to control. Little by little society crumbles, starting with politics and moving on to the mico-level. In turn comes just a simple battle of survival. When the bombs finally hit, the remains of civilization burn to the ground, leaving the survivors in a frantic search to find their missing loved ones. Charred corpses and collapsed buildings litter the streets. Even the very basics of human culture start to falter, with people repressing to the state of animals.

At the center of the movie is not just an apocalyptic nuclear disaster. It's still a central element to the story and delivers several horrific scenes, but the larger details on why the bombs drop are never really explained. Instead, as the title suggests, the film is about the British society and how it's hanging by a thread. When all chips are down, no element of the intricate network of society works and people are left to fend for themselves.

The film offers no warmth, distancing itself from the terror with a narrator and intervowen nature film footage. This is harrowing, as terrifying and cynical as a film can get. It's no wonder the film is often categorized to belong in the "horror" genre. No knife-wielding maniac or monster attack could dream of being as terrible as the notion that people cease to be humane when civilization fails.

★★★★

HIFF 2012: Stranger than Fiction

 
Man, I've seen so many Love & Anarchy movies this year that it's going to take a while to get through them all. But it has been quite a festival with loads and loads of interesting cinema to discuss about. I'll open this, the first of my Reports from this year's Helsinki International Film Festival, with a look at three quite extraordinary true stories. As you may recall, I already wrote about Erroll Morris' Tabloid in my pre-festival picks. The weirdness on our documentary-screening cinemas continued deep into the festival.

The Ambassador (Ambassadoren, Denmark)
Director: Mads Brügger

One of the most hyped movies on this year's festival was this Danish pseudo-documentary. It's about the Danish journalist Mads Brügger who fakes and pays his way to become a consul (a diplomat without the immunity) in the Central-African Republic. This position opens opportunities for some very shady side-jobs, and Brügger becomes a smuggler of blood diamonds (diamonds that can't be traced and thus may have been mined at a quarry which uses slave labour).

Brügger attempst to show what kind of a wild west Africa still is, and how dirty western diplomats' hands over there still are. Much has been discussed whether it's really true or just a mockumentary. I think it's safe to say, there are certainly scenes that have been staged, so it's not a full-fledged documentary.

This uncertainty of methods works against the film itself. The biggest reveals in the film don't have the necessary weight into them, when the scenes surrounding them have Brügger just talking bullshit. It's also weird that supposed "hidden cameras" have multiple angle shots. Crucially, in order this to work as any sort of public service announcement, it would need to be a lot more informative and factual. The connections within Africa and the tentacles of international crime are briefly explained but not in a way an audience member could grasp them and digest the info.

While several scenes in the film are quite funny in their politically incorrectness and manage to unveil the racism still inherent in African politics, the jokes don't come very often and even then, don't necessarily work. Brügger's on-screen persona isn't ruthless nor outrageous enough to be enjoyable, and one can't really emphasize with him.

All that adds to the point that the film's pacing is way off, and it never reaches the levels of interest it should. It's a noble effort, with several great scenes (pygmy party, everyone!), but in the end, feels a bit lacking.

★★1/2

Grandma Lo-Fi: The Basement Tapes of Sigrídur Nielsdóttir (Amma Lo-Fi: Kjallaraspólur Sigrídar Níelsdóttur, Iceland)

Directors: Ingibjörg Birgisdóttir, Orii Jónsson, Kristin Björk Kristjánsdóttir

This Islandish doc is about how one is never too old to be creative. Sigrídur Nielsdóttir got a synthesizer as a 70^th birthday present from her friends. She soon became enthralled with the thing and started to compose some music of her own, based on the base lines and background beats found in the machine itself. She had a knack for it and in the end, taped 59 recordings. Initially for her friends and family, they were found by a larger audience and she became an inspiration for a whole generation of musicians. The cute old granny is likeable enough to pull the documentary by herself.

The documentary is only 62 minutes long and, focuses heavily on Sigríd. It's all well and good, but the viewer gets a feeling that another side of the story is blocked altogether. It would pay to feature some of the musicians inspired by Sigríd's music in the doc. Also missing are any fans or third parties, like friends and family, enjoying Ingrid's music. Only text screens and tie-in animation scenes put the artist herself in the right context.

There's no need to underline the quirkiness of the subject, but in doing so, the film goes to kitchy lengths. This starts to get annoying after a while. Paper clip animations, singing ballerinas and cute animals picture some of Ingrid's best songs. Ingrid would be sweet enough on her own, whether blowing a whistle, telling about her youth or bringing in a new batch of cassettes with her wheeled grocery bag. Not much time is dwelled on any (minor) negative aspects of the artist, only her stage fright is mentioned in one text screen.

Perhaps the artist died before the documentarists could achieve everything they aimed for, but one got the feeling the subject matter would deserve a film that would go a bit deeper

★★1/2

The Imposter (UK)

Director: Bart Layton

The portrait of a liar is one of the most interesting stories one can tell, and even moreso in documentaries, where one has to be a bit wary whether to take the things stated with a grain of salt or not.

Frédéric Bourdin, a French-born con man, had no family growing up, so he made a career in attempting to steal that unit from others. His biggest con involved the Barclays, a grieving Texan family, pining for their missing teenaged child Nicholas. Bourdin successfully stole Nicholas' identity and cheated his way into the family for years. The Barclays wouldn't question whether he really was their long-lost son. This is although he had the wrong hair color, wrong facial characteristics, wrong eye color, and to top it all, a thick accent.

This documentary goes through the whole ordeal from start to finish. It collects a frankly impressive array of interviewees, since basically all parties still alive from the case are in the film. And this is even though the subject matter must not be the easiest thing for all parties involved to talk about. Not only did they lose a family member to mysterious circumstances, they got their hopes crushed and in a way, lost their son again when Bourdin's hoax was revealed.

Re-enacting a past crime in the beginning seems to be like an episode of True Crimes in the beginning. But one becomes enthralled since the interviewees seem to be so open, telling their inner thoughs and feelings with seemingly alarming accuracy. The eccentric person of Bourdin  is well-realized in the doc. One starts to like him a little bit, even though it is made clear that he is unable to stop trying to take advantage of any situation by spinning more of a web of lies.

Towards the end of his con, Bourdin gets suspicious himself as to why his new family doesn't realize anything to be wrong with him. FBI agents still studying the case have dug up enough info to put him behind bars for fraud, yet the family defends him and insists he is who he says he is. Bourdin comes to the conclusion that they have something to hide themselves, and the arrival of is convinient for their own plans. Namely, hiding the death of Nicholas in their hands.

The question here isn't, who's lying, but rather, who is the crucial liar. The film doesn't offer any easy answers, but it does have some good social criticism and insights on an inner rot eating an deal suburban Americana inside out. It's a suspensful and thought-provoking film, and that's as much as one can hope for.

★★★★

Searching For Sugar Man (Sweden, the UK)

Directors: Malik Bendjelloul

Fame is a difficult beat to capture. It may even be hard to tell whether it exists in the first place or is just good enough at hiding.

Sixto Rodriguez was a creative folk artist in the late 60's, early 70's America, that never got the break he deserved. He played in the seedy clubs at his native Detroit and released two albums, produced by Motown mogul Clarence Avant. Even though record executives figured he'd be huge with his talents, nobody bought his albums in his home land. Rodriguez vanished into thin air after the commercial failure of his latter album.

But the story of the artist only begins there. For the record made its way into South Africa, and the locals over there became crazy over it. In the narrow-minded apartheid culture of that time, political protest songs captured something about the native psyche. Rodriguez was also deemed dangerous by the government and censored, which made him an even more important underground figure. The artist became as popular in the country as Elvis Presley or the Beatles. But nobody in South Africa knew anything about their idol. Wild rumours started to circulate, like that the artist had burned himself alive on stage since he didn't get the appreciation he wanted.

Tracking down what happened to Rodriguez has been a process that has lasted for years. South African music fans Simon Chinn and Dennis "Sugar Man" Coffey tried to track the artist down through years of research and calls to record executives. The documentary follows their detective work for the first half and it is some very intriguing stuff. Going in the movie without knowing anything about Rodriguez also makes new listeners instant fans and terribly interested in the fate of the artist. I'd recommend everyone to see the film to have this curiosity for themselves before reading any further. The latter half of the doc is a very different beast and in order to assess it, one must write a spoiler or a few. So look away.

Like Rodriguez used to look away from his audience back in the day.

Rodriguez didn't commit suicide nor die of a drug overdose, but decided to take life by the balls and went to do some easy storage works. The artist is found alive, but without a single bitter bone in his body. He's happy with where he was at life, even though he lived in poverty due to the royalty checks from South Africa never reaching him. He didn't do it for the money, he did it for love, as he has done everything since. At Detroit, he was a well-known man, friend to many, but nobody had any idea he had been a recording artist.

The Swedish film is unbelievably well-directed, with just the right amount of talking heads, investigative journalism, and music thrown in the mix, visualized with scenery shots and occasionally animated montages. The film basically does two seperate stories, one a detective story and a mystery, which gets a satisfying ending but with some of the bad guys (like the ones who pocketed Rodriguez's royalty money) walking away scot free.

The second half is more of a philosophical character piece, with an unbelievably easy-going, mellow and friendly musician coming to terms with his newfound fame. Rodriguez is so zen in his approach, he isn't afraid to play to thousands of people, but film interviews seemingly scare him a little. It is clear that this guy is as happy as doing odd jobs at a storage than playing his old songs, which he has never forgotten. For South Africans (and music fans) the climax is seeing Rodriguez finally climbing on the stage of a concert hall.

The moral of the story is, never forget your past, but don't hold grudges against it, but take the good things with you. Important movies such as this one can change your life. And at the very least teach you something interesting about music on the side.

★★★★ 1/2

Old Old School Hip-Hop

On the streets of late 70's New York, poverty reigned and crime was at an all-time high. But the seedy athmosphere did create the whole hip hop culture, with rap, graffiti and breakdancing becoming different aspects of the urban culture. Even though it began as an underground, barely legal subculture, by the early 80's it became so popular that movie makers eager to catch on to the latest trend, started churning out movies. Of course this helped feed the culture even more and to turn the subculture into mainstream. But the fact that these movies present the post between these two parts of the phenomena, make them all the more interesting.

Wild Style (1983)
Director: Charlie Ahearn

The film which is most famous of first depicting hip hop culture to mainstream audiences, mixes documentary footage of the New York subculture in South Bronx with acted dramatic material. Real-life hip hop cultural icons play similar characters to themselves, and the film's plot is somewhat based on reality.  The underground rap gigs, the dancers and the taggers are to some extend filmed as they actually happened, on tiny underground clubs and behind fences events. There's also a whiff of hustling, such as illegal card flip games, in the film. Real social problems, such as alcohol, drugs or underage sex aren't dealt with, however. But in any case, it's a good period piece on how underground culture was in New York once everybody and their granny had heard of punk rock.

Zoro (Lee Quinones) is a graffiti artist, well known by reputation, but less so by appearance. He hangs around with a girl, Rose (Sandra Fabara), who he's secretly harboring a crush. He teaches her everything he knows, how to make good street art, where to strike, and how not to get caught. Zoro wants to express himself, but he also wants something more from his life. Not figuring out what it could be, he sort of drifts along, tormented. When Rose gets her shit better together, and gets acceptance from the New York art circles, their relationship becomes more strained. Most of the time, however, is spent on just depicting the culture as it unfolds.

You might be a famous and undeniably talented graffiti artist or rapper, but that doesn't make you a good actor. The dramatic parts of the film are ludicrously horribly acted. Luckily most of the time the movie plays it cool and keeps up with its authenticity. Not only the street art is impressive in this film, the rap scenes also feature mad improvisation skills and wicked mixing with old-school equipment. Ahearn's movie doesn't explain everything about the sub-culture from the ground up to anyone. You either get it going in or don't. It is what it is, which is why this is a clear cult movie. The soundtrack of this film is almost equally famous to the film, since it features rap artists the likes of Busy Bee, Fantastic Freaks, Fab 5 Freddie, and Grandmaster Flash and The Furious Five.

It turned out there were more than plenty of eager-minded people who did get it. The movie proved to be successful enough to make movie producers take notice.



★★★

Beat Street (1984)
Director: Stan Lathan

The following year, there were two other hip hop movies aimed for bigger audiences. The other was a straight-out dramatization of the things presented in Wild Style, the other focused on Breakdancing and became the bigger hit. The former, which was the better film, also took into focus graffiti artists, yet also emphasized rap music more, and works more or less as a musical. The film's soundtrack, starring the likes of Grandmaster Melle Mel, Kool Moe Dee, Us Girls and Rock Steady Crew, is perhaps even better than Wild Style's.

Kenny "Double K" (Guy Davis) and Ramon (Jon Chadriet) are best friends, and graffiti artists living in the seedy parts of New York. Ramon is more down-to-earth of the duo, but respects his art more than anything and wants to spraypaint a train that would take his graffiti out for all of New York to see. Kenny has rap skills and dreams of becoming a famous MC, playing at the hottest clubs of NYC. He meets Tracy (Commando's Rae Dawn Chong), who comes from a better neighborhood and upper class, but still becomes interested in music and breakdancing. The two start to get interested in each other, which inspires Double K also to aim his ambitions high.

As musicals tend to be, this is quite a melodramatic story. But not so much concerning the love story, more on Double K's troubles with his background and ambitions, the conflict between his family and his hobbies, and his relationship with his friends. Still, there's a clear West Side Story vibe here, with dueling gangs and such. The main villain turns out to be a sort of vandal to the vandals, an asshole who messes huge artistic graffiti murals by spraypainting all over them. Whatever one's stance on street art is, I think we can all agree that that's not a nice thing to do.

Warning! While the rap performance in this clip kicks ass, it also contains major movie spoilers.


"If art is a crime, may God forgive me". - Ramo

★★★ 1/2

Breakin' (a.k.a. Breakdance, 1984)
Director: Joel Silberg

Whereas the two other hip hop films were still fresh and more or less authentic-feeling, it didn't take long before the first cash-in on the phenomenon appeared. And it came from Cannon Group of all production companies. Not known from their subtlety, this effort takes the largest page from the West Side Story book in that, it's basically a street fighting film with the fighting switched to dancing. It's a formula that can still be seen in films such as Step Up! or You Got Served. A big difference is also that Breakin' takes place in LA instead of NYC. Somehow, New York represents to me striving to rise from poverty and squalor, whereas LA only represents surface, fake smiles and proper image.



Ozone (Adolfo Quiñones) and Turbo (Michael Chambers) are talented breakdancers, who work at the local supermarket and dream of hitting it big. The dancers have a bitter rivalry with a competing group Electro Rock. The buddies usually display their moves for some tourist cash on the streets of Malibu. They meet a young and aspiring Jazz dancer Kelly (Lucinda Dickey), who becomes interested in the breakdance culture. She gets the name Special K and starts to practice with the boys. But her strict instructor doesn't like her hybrid style that starts to infuse moves she learned from the street. Special K will prove him wrong as she will lead the Dance trio to the top and bring breakdance to the mainstream at the same time.

Of course, the film is Super Cheesy. There's not a hint of authenticity in any of this, and particularly the overly 80's fashions in the film are over-the-top and hilarious. Even the movie's breakout star, Ice-T (playing a Club DJ) considers this to be wack. And knowing what kind of films Ice-T has made in his career, that's saying something. Alongside Mr. Ice, the Soundtrack includes the likes of Kraftwerk, Rufus and Chaka Khan, and The Bar-Keys. The film did capture something of the zeitgeist since it proved to be popular. But the producers already were certain of it. They were so sure of it's success it even advertized its direct sequel in the closing credits. Today, the movie series is probably best known for the ridiculous name of part II. But Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo is a story for another time.

★ or ★★★★★

Finnish Cult Movies, part I

Today is the Finnish premiere day of the eagerly awaited Finnish science fiction epic, Iron Sky. Although the film didn't really work for me, it has produced enough enthusiastic buzz that I'm convinced we are witnessing either a major break through hit for the film industry in this country, or at the very least, the birth of an international cult hit. But Finland also has a long film history, alongside which many different kinds of films fit, some of which have a cult status among this country, some of which don't yet even though they would deserve it. I for one would love to raise awareness in Finnish cult cinema, so I'll start this series. I had a lot of candidates on which to write about, so rest assured. There's still a lot more to come.

Star Wreck: In The Pirkinning (2005)
Director: Timo Vuorensola

It actually pains me to compare this comedy with some actual movies, but numbers don't lie: 10 million downloads say that currently the most watched Finnish film ever made is this fan-made amateur film. When looked as a movie, it's not very good. But as a home made project it's actually more interesting. The film's special effects are impressive for being made in someone's mom's basement. And like witnessed in Iron Sky on a bigger scale, these tech students from the city of Tampere are some sort of geniuses in selling their unfinished ideas on the Internet and thus raising money, help and extras to help complete the film.

Due to his previous adventures, Captain Pirk of the spaceship C.C.P. Potkustartti (Samuli Torssonen) is stranded in the 21st century with his crew. Times are desperate since he can't even get laid. But Pirk comes up with a plan to invent the tools they need to get back home, and alter history. When they get back, Pirk is the unquestioned Emperor of the Earth. But once Pirk has conquered the planet, he gets greedy and sets his eyes on more. This leads to a war-declaration on the space fleet led by the ship Babylon 13.

As sci-fi nerds can guess, film's plot exists to put together space fights between star ships from Star Trek and Babylon 5. But like the bad parody makers the film's four writers are, they base their creations around original characters and concepts too tightly. For a viewer not familiar with Star Trek: The Next Generation or Babylon 5, the function of characters and settings taken for granted are left in the dark. There's a huge cast of characters, and only Pirk (Samuli Torssonen) and Babylon 13 Captain Sherrypie (Atte Joutsen) get any serious screentime nor arcs. The film would benefit from a better central character besides the all-around hateable and annoying Pirk. And of course, since the film stars mostly amateurs and crew members and their close relatives, the acting is, simply put, atrocious.

There are a couple of chuckle-worthy gags in this film, that mostly involve shooting someone with a ray gun. But I wouldn't recommend sitting through the film just to see those few bits. In fact, I find it nothing short of a miracle that someone outside Finland would find any interest in the film. The film is strictly for the hardcore tech-nerds and sci-fi overdosers.

-

Ruusujen aika (1969)
Director: Risto Jarva

Iron Sky and Star Wreck are not by far the only sci-fi movies ever produced in Finland. And not the best, either. Director Risto Jarva tried his hands on doing a prediction about the future already in the 1960's, and he set his film about 50 years from then, to 2012. The film starts out as a what if-scenario, but turns more and more interesting as it goes along. Jarva was interested in the media philosophies of Marshall McLuhan, and thus made a film that wouldn't look too much out of place in David Cronenberg's filmography.

Unlike many other futuristic films at the time, Jarva pictures the future as democratic. Or at least claiming to be democratic when in fact what you can do measures who you are in the society. Historian and documentary maker Raimo Lappalainen (Arto Tuominen) is at the top of his game. After producing a number of highly acclaimed films about the past, he aims to recreate the history of a time period 50 years before. He figures the bast way to accomplish this is to tell a story of a contemporary individual, and chooses Saara, a young woman who died tragically. He picks the beautiful young athlete Kisse Haavisto (Ritva Vepsä) to play her, and starts to go through her life events with her in real life. The director also develops a relationship with his starlet, which may jeopardize the whole project.

The film has some bitter comments about documentarists who claim to be objective observers of their subjects. Raimo thinks he's almost an invisible force behind his work, but in reality his underlying preconceptions, ideas and emotions drive his work. Because he can't come to terms in admitting this, he also acts coldly and matter-of-factly in his life. In other words, the maker gets tangled in the media for which he's producing content, making him and his film inseparable. Borrowing from Hitchcock's Vertigo, his raising obsessions also make him manipulate and transform his loved one into something he truly desires. In this case it's an idea of the past that never existed in the first place.

The film's technology is decidedly 60's, as is the extended "documentary" sequences showing how world developed to this point. Jarva does acknowledge in his work that films about a different time period are always tied to the concepts of the time it was created. But he still had some very apt ideas about the future, which came to pass, such as the importance of information, telecommunication and hand-held devices. Too bad the free sexuality and steamy swinger ball games haven't also made it to our day.

★★★★

Sensuela (1973)
Director: Teuvo Tulio

Think the concept "Nazis on the moon" makes a weird movie? Or "an archeological dig reveals an evil Santa Claus that starts to kidnap children"? Neither of those movies can hold a candle in weirdness for the swan song of the acclaimed melodrama director Teuvo Tulio. The film spent 10 years in the making and thus forced the director into some pretty creative solutions in attempting to hide the fact. The end result is equal parts a travel advertisement to Finland and a skin flick. It is 100% bonkers and mere words can't even describe how much so. If one film from this post would deserve to break big into the hearts of lovers of camp and cult cinema everywhere, it is this.

During World War II, the German pilot Hans (Mauritz Åkerman) crash lands into Lapland. A group of Sami reindeer herders rescue him from the wreck, and the beautiful Laila (Marianne Mardi) nurses him back to health. During the following weeks, Laila begins to develop a crush to Hans, much to the dismay of his strict, old-fashioned father Aslak (Ossi Elstelä). But since the course of the war turns, Hans must soon flee for his life, leaving his helpers behind. After years and years (though no one seems to get a day older), Hans suddenly returns, now as a successful photographer, and persuades Laila to come with him to Helsinki. They run off together, to the anger of Aslak.

In Helsinki it turns out that Hans is living in a world of decadence. He's having odd orgies where swingers dress up as skeletons and jump around. And some sex is being had as well. The maltreated Laila can't handle such a life, and escapes. She falls to the factory worker Pekka (Ismo Saario), but doesn't tell him anything about Hans. But for one poor choice, this natural child has wrecked her entire life and things soon fall apart like dominoes. Aslak will have his brutal vengeance on the one who betrayed the purest of loves – and it's a scene so odd that the viewer's jaw will surely drop to the floor.

Okay, for a list of things hilarious in this film, let's start with the film's minimal budget. It can be seen from oddly minimalistic sets such as an aeroplane's cockpit that looks like a couple of drapes with a chair and a steering wheel in the front. Or from the use of stuffed animals alongside archive footage in the reindeer-herding scenes. Even more odd is the dubbing, which even in Finnish sounds oddly tacked on. Tulio seemingly shot the film silent and had actors dub in lines years later – and not necessarily even the same actors. Even many sound effects and animal sounds are made by people. The music consists of familiar classical pieces by Tchaikovsky and Sibelius, but never quite fitting on what's going on on screen. This makes in particular the love-making scenes oddly uncomfortable because they have a gloomy, rumbling classical score to them. And boy, there is a lot of sex scenes in this. They rarely show anything below the navel, but women's breasts in particular are shown more often than not. For foreign people admiring the nudity, the film has also a lengthy, and frankly useless, scene set in a sauna.

The film can't decide whether it's set in the 40's, 50's, 60's or 70's, and elements of all decades show in the film. To top the illogical plot, the film's editing sometimes intercuts two things that have nothing to do with each other. Thus, for instance, it seems Aslak is looking worriedly at Laila having sex with Hans when the love-making pair should be in Helsinki and Aslak in Lapland. The dialogue is simply hilarious, stating obvious facts and arising odd reactions no real human being would have. The acting is hilariously over-the-top, particularly Elstelä's constantly raging Aslak.

With all these flaws altogether, the film is oddly psychedelic. Tulio doesn't concern himself on minute detail (or would want to hire assistants who would), he just wants to put colorful visions (that are cheap at the same time) on screen. It is a film about the loss of innocence, but since it seems like it was made by people as innocent as not having any idea of what happens in orgies or bordellos, the message is quite underwhelming.

★ or ★★★★★


Young Love (2001)
Director: Arto Lehkamo

There's been a lot of Teen films made in Finland during the last few decades, and with almost all of them rotten. And this is about a case in point. For the fans of hilariously awful, there's this Romance film, that manages to be fundamentalist christian and perversely voyeuristic at the same time.

The 13-year-old Jukka (Joonas Nordman) moves into a new city with his mother. Mummy dearest is having her hands filled with work while at the school Jukka is called names and bullied. But he discovers his father's old camera and becomes interested in photography. The school's gay communist art teacher(!), Martti (Pekka Lukka) helps him become started, teaching him about zooms. And as a 13-year-old is won't to do, Jukka uses his camera's zoom to spy on a girl through his window. This girl is the late-teenaged Johanna (Saija Lentonen), who likes to strip in front of a window and admire herself from the mirror until her stepfather comes home drunk and beats her. One night, Johanna catches Jukka spying on her, immediately figures out where he lives, and comes to the door to demand for him to stop. But Jukka suggests to her to become a model. As this has been her dream, the duo shake hands and Jukka begins as her manager and trusted photographer. They aim to enter her in a Miss Teen pageant, but Jukka also begins to blossom into love with his partner.

For any viewing experience of Young Love, the making-of feature on the DVD of the movie is an essential addition. That clears up a little of the thick fog surrounding the question: what the hell was the director thinking? On the documentary, Lehkamo seems pleased of having snuck in some of his own messages in his film. This is shown in the scenes where the gay Martti is dying (presumably of AIDS) and renounces his wicked communist-homosexual ways and embraces God. This has little to do with the rest of the plot, as do the lingering shots of the teenaged Lentonen stripping. These scenes are lingered on so lovingly and for such a long time that even the most perverted audience members start to feel uncomfortable. Sadly, these few amazingly awful scenes happen in a movie that's mostly just bland and thoroughly mediocre. Lehkamo clearly has no idea about how teenagers talk, act, or what they do, and also on how to attract them to see his film. A music video-like scene with the band Kemopetrol playing in the end didn't cut the cheese and the film flopped quite badly.

Lehkamo himself went into politics after that but was kicked out from the Christian Democrats party for having way too fundamentalist views on politics. Nordman came a stand up comedian when he grew up.

★★ (★ or ★★★★★ with the making of-documentary)

The Hangover (Baksmälla, 1973)
Director: Jörn Donner

Long before The Wolf Pack was first conceived, Finnish culture multitalent Jörn Donner tangled with an idea that starts out similar. But it turns out to be something different altogether, and Donner uses the cheesy set-up to ponder about the nature of relationships, as well as have some t&a on screen (so the film could be sold as Scandinavian erotica), and to have fun with the film he's making. Donner is one of the finest filmmakers in Finland, which is why it's so strange he has had little respect inside or outside of Finland for his films. He's better known for his books, politics, starting the Finnish film archive and for producing some of his friend Ingmar Bergman's more well-received films.

The director plays Leif, as clear as Donner's own alter-ego as all of the characters he plays. Leif is a used car salesman, who wakes up in a weird house after a night of heavy drinking from which he remembers nothing. But looking at his ring finger he soon finds that he's been married to a woman, Lena (Dianne Kjaer). He then walks around her house, trying to remember. Leif discovers another woman sleeping in another room, and finds out he's already cheated on his new wife with her. Leif trying to stay on top of the situation is intercut with the new married couple talking about their former romantic life and disappointments therein.


Baksmälla (1973) UK TRAILER by klubbsuper8

Donner's film takes a very carnevalistic approach to the subject, and it is very funny. The film is filled with things repeating themselves over and over again, mundane and silly alike. For instance, an aeroplane takes off repeatedly, which has little to do with anything. The film's timeline is skewered and anti-linear. In fact, thanks to this it may be the first arthouse film to be watched while having a massive hangover, when one isn't necessarily the most observing. It's hard to call the film a farce, though. Because of the film's tone, it is all the more surprising when it strikes with surprisingly melancholic pieces on loves lost and unrequited. Leif does attempt to build a spine and a pair during the film if only because he doesn't want to hurt his new wife badly again. Hijinks ensue, and popular comedian-singer Vesa-Matti Loiri has a cameo.

★★★★

Laulu (1986)
Directors: Arto af Hällström, Janne Kuusi

A real cult classic is hard to find, and beloved by those few that have seen it. A reason for this can be that the film is different from anything else and thus quite hard to describe. On top, this film seems to be a documentary about Nightlife in Helsinki, framed by the live performances of the band Sielun veljet. But there are also acted sequences such as the actor Kari Väänänen playing a drunk telling random people his views about the facts of life. And there's an interview with a scientist (named Paavo like my name!) who has utopistic views about the future. In fact, the film represents neorealism, a pseudo-documentary that sums up the artistic feelings in Finland in the 80's. The film was a production by Ryhmäteatteri, a theatrical group looking to break boundaries in the early-to-mid-80s. The result is a true underground film.

It's hard to figure out anything to say about Laulu, because it isn't the sort of film that comes to any conclusions. It raises thoughts, but they come from the person viewing them, the makers are not spoon feeding any ideas. The film objectively just shows a series of various things happening at night time, whether entertaining, cultural, or borderline illegal. Even the off cross-cutting or jumping isn't meant to compare these events, it's just to keep the viewer on his or her toes. The impressions come from within the scenes themselves. The music scenes are sweaty and intimate, or in the case of the scene depicting the humor rock band Lapinlahden linnut, oddly contrasting lowbrow humour with it's rich elitist audience. The film mostly concerns little people and little moments in more poor places. The overall mood is quite gloomy and melancholic. Paavo's future scenarios don't seem all that plausible in a city where drunken people brawl and a taxi ride from the East to downtown doesn't reveal any people but only the dark, rain washed streets. This would be an utopia for only Travis Bickle.

★★★ 1/2

NOOOOOOO!

Punk on Film

 
This intro should be quick and go to the point like a kick to the balls. The central rules of punk rock state that we need to be LOUD, FAST, RUDE, AND TAKE NO PRISONERS! Gabba Gabba Hey! It's Punk on Film!

Rock 'n' Roll High School (1979)
Director: Allan Arkush

The legendary producer Roger Corman came up with the idea of making money doing a Musical Comedy for teenagers, but initially thought to tap into the Disco craze of the time. Director Allan Arkush, however, had a longer sight and suggested to make a Rock Comedy. The seminal New York Punk band The Ramones were chosen as the leads, not because they were popular, but because they were cheap. But nevertheless, it was a match made in heaven. The brutal, to-the-point and black humour-filled Ramones lyrics fit like a leather jacket on a quickly paced comedy. Like The Ramones themselves, the film gained quite a large cult reputation through the years.

One of the most iconic things about the film is it's hand drawn poster, drawn in the style used in MAD Magazine. There are millions of small details and the overall image of total chaos. It's style would go on to be imitated in billions College comedies including Animal House, but with that one exception, rarely bettered. Arkush's film is also a lot like a movie parody comic on the pages of MAD would be. Jokes come thick and often, there's a lot of stuff going on at the background, and the film is filled with colorful characters. The Ramones themselves can't act worth a penny, but happily they mostly just need to look cool and do their unique, manic performances.

Ramones audience.

The plot involves a new, strict principal Miss Togar (Mary Woronov) taking over Vince Lombardi High School. She believes that at the root of the student's disobedience is their love for loud Rock 'N Roll, and thus begins a crusade to ban the music altogether. This insidious plot includes forbidding any students attending a concert by The Ramones. Ramones' No. 1 fan, the rebellious Riff Randall (P.J. Soles) has other ideas, and sneaks into the concert with her friend Kate Rambeau (Dey Young). She gains the Ramones' attention because she's written a song for them called Rock 'N Roll High School. The star-struck Randall then begins to plot an uprising in the school with the help of her favorite band.

I like very much that most of the film's most visible and capable characters are all women. Soles is a convincing lead, being at the same time cunning, rebellious, a little naïve and cute enough to be lovable. Most of the film's men can't keep up with her, including the hapless Tom Roberts (Vincent Van patten), who would like to get in her pants, although she only has eyes for The Ramones. The scenes between Tom and his suave nerd mentor Eaglebauer (the always-silly Clint Howard) venture dangerously close to common teen comedy areas, yet Arkush as well as the perfect casting manage to keep things interesting. With such a big cast, Arkush (as well as uncredited co-director Joe Dante) manage to build comical, yet believable arcs and have enough focus on each one. With its machine gun fast comedy timing, it's a clear predecessor of the ZAZ comedies such as Airplane! and The Naked Gun. And there's also plenty of rocking scenes, which made the film's soundtrack popular to this day. This film has truly earned its cult reputation.

★★★★ (Film)
★★★★★ (Music)

The Great Rock 'N Roll Swindle (1980)
Director: Julien Temple

Malcolm McLaren managed to put Punk on the map (as well as name the whole phenomena) by discovering The Sex Pistols, the original UK punk rock band. Of course, punk's roots go way back longer than that but still The Pistols' effect on music can't be overemphasized. As The Pistols weren't a natural unit, and McLaren made sure that they hated each other, too, their reign would not last long. But since McLaren loved money, he wanted to put his protegés on film fast. The project was originally to be directed by boobsploitation maestro Russ Meyer. Meyer didn't last long with the quarreling Pistols, and left due to creative differences. The aspiring young documentarist Julien Temple was assigned to pick up the pieces.

The reason I dwell so deep into the process of making this film is because it explains why the result is such a confusing mess. The former title "Who Killed Bambi" (as well as presumably its plot) was scrapped, but the film still features a lengthy sequence where Sid Vicious plays a movie theatre usher singing the title over and over again for no reason. Instead, the film chronicles the history of The Pistols in a way that includes animations, dwarves, revolting peasants, McLaren in a fetish rubber suit and other quite random material. Although it's hard to make heads or tails about the film as a whole, it is undeniable that individual scenes in the film manage to be striking, odd, and way off the viewer's comfort zone. So, in a way, it represents the Pistols' music quite well. But Temple would do better later on with a full-scale documentary The Filth And The Fury.

★★ 1/2 (Film)
★★★★★ (Music)

Rude Boy (1980)
Director: Jack Hazan, David Mingay

Another major UK punk band who opted for the pseudo-documentary route was The Only Band That Matters, The Clash. Rude Boy follows one young punk, played by Ray Gange. He quits his job at a Porno Store when he sees The Clash perform at a small club at London. So he decides to become a roadie for them. Along the way, the band gets bigger, whereas Rude Boy has some ideas that Clash with the views of The Clash members themselves and as he isn't much good for the technical side, either they grow a dislike to him, but still allow him to hang around. The film is framed against some of the events surrounding England from 1977-80, such as the rise of Thatcherism, riots, parades against racism and The Clash's career.

Sadly, for everything the film has going for it, the mostly improvised film is quite boring. Gange's main character doesn't quite manage to captivate the audience in following him, and the grey, slow documentary style fits kitchen sink dramas better than a punk film. Inter-cut within it are various documentary pieces without comments. We would need something as fierce and in-your-face as The Clash was at the peak of their power. Lucky, then for the live performances of the band, which are so good that one can't take one's eyes off them even to blink. It is only a representation what it was like to go to a Clash show at the turn of the 70's and 80's, yet it is still a lot more fun than most actual live performances today. The energy, the enthusiasm, the skill, the message. All is top notch! Luckily, the DVD of the film features the porn-like feature of skipping the plot altogether and watching only The Clash.

★★ (Film)
★★★★★★ (Music)


Urgh! A Music War (1981)
Director: Derek Burbridge

Of course punk didn't stay pure for long and soon developed further into New Wave and various other music genres. The strength of punk was that anyone could do it, even freaks and weirdoes. That's why many punk and New wave bands did make a big deal of their differences and came up with various gimmicks. Also, as The Clash proved, punk and New Wave were extremely adaptive with also other style of music, be it reggae, rockabilly, funk, or even the dreaded disco. This British concert movie features a good cavalcade of various punk-spunned acts. The variety doesn't cover everything, but it gives a good idea of how much difference these bands developed.

The film's bands are being led by The Police, one of the biggest names of that time. Sting's band begins and ends the film with their hit songs. Other bands and artists featured include Oingo Boingo, Echo and the Bunnymen, Klaus Nomi, Joan Jett, Devo, the Gang of Four, 999, X and The Dead Kennedys. The stage acts aren't shot with any special innovation, and mostly take a step back to just feature the bands doing their thing. Not even the concert venues are common to all, since the film has been shot during two months in New York, Paris, London and Los Angeles. Even though the film is quite long, I don't think any viewer will be entirely satisfied with it, wanting to remove some acts and emphasize other styles or bands. But as it is, it's a good period piece of what was happening in music at the start of the 1980's.

★★★

The Punk Syndrome (Kovasikajuttu, 2012)
Directors: Jukka Kärkkäinen, Jani-Petteri Passi

But hey, punk really isn't actually dead yet! Its flame is being kept alive by the last people you would expect, a group of developmentally disabled Finns. But they won't let their disability stop them. The band Name Day, or Pertti Kurikan Nimipäivät to use it's finnish title, consists of four adamant, strong personalities that assume quite familiar band roles. There's the band leader, Pertti, a troubled songwriter who suffers from mood swings. There's the political guitarist, Sami, who campaigns for the Finnish Center Party, and often awakens anger in his band mates. The bass player Kari is the ladies' man, but figures he's done enough fooling around and plans to get hitched with his girlfriend. And the drummer Toni is an awkward young man taking his first steps towards freedom and moving away from his parents' house.

The quartet announces in their songs rebellion of having to live in an institution, fight spirit against the authorities, and also mundane stuff like having a cup of coffee and taking a dump. The documentary follows each of the players in their everyday life and their own problems, and on their first European tour. The film raises some questions about how the society treats the handicapped, but it isn't preachy and doesn't rub the viewer's face with them. One also gets a few good laughs at the silly stuff the punk rockers are up to, such as the race Kari loses when he drops his pants, or when the group gets a little too excited with the strip club windows in Hamburg's Reeperbahn.The groups's chief assistant Janne is left a little to the background, but he's having to deal with four rock stars who each have their own wants and needs, as well as having to deal with becoming a father. But the spotlight is kept promptly on the band, and rightfully so. They are people to easily identify with, to laugh and cry with. The biggest strength of the film is the same as with the band: it feels very real, as opposed to staged. It's a real slice of life with its ups and downs, highs and lows.

★★★★

Night Visions Back To Basics 3011 - Night 2

I had loads of fun at Night Visions as always, but I think I'm getting too old to stay awake two nights in a row. So unless I discover the joys of crystal meth, this'll be the only NV report I'll write in two parts. Enjoy the second one! This night's theme seemed to be ugly moustaches as nearly every film had at least one. Italian ones had several.

Cold Fish (Tsumetai nettaigyo)
Director: Sion Sono
Japan, 2010

The story behind Sion Sono's latest film, Cold Fish, is based on actual facts. Only dog kennel keeping is switched to having an aquarium in this thriller about business brutality. Two aquarium keepers become friends after the friendly-seeming Mr. Murata (Denden) hires the thieving teenaged daughter of Mr. Shamoto (Mitsuru Fukikoshi) in his shop. But it soon turns out that Murata is in fact a cruel psychopath, dealing with the yakuza and officials both with brutal ways. Shamoto is soon tangled to Murata's web of lies and nasty businesses, but is too much of a pushover to oppose his dominance. But like one can see from films like Straw Dogs, you can only push one so far, until he has to bite back. Yet on the line are not only his oppressor, but also his dysfunctional family, over which he wants to take on a new dominance.

The character of Murata is a fascinating and memorable villain. In the beginning he seems genuinely excited in seeing exotic fishes and joking around with people he barely knows. Yet he is a lot colder than would seem on the outside. He truly cares more for fish than people, as he has a talent of pulling people's strings to do his bidding. People are objects to him, and able to be disposed of when they outlive their usefulness. His aquarium shop is filled with teenaged girls in skimpy costumes and he can take any woman he wants with a mixture of lies of understanding them and taking what he wants with force. His sense of humour extends to the dirty part of his business and he derives great joy in chopping his victim's corpses and plays around with different organs. Veteran character actor Denden does great job in bringing this human monster to life and his character is one of the greatest criminal characters seen in recent years.

Sono's latest film takes a big leap into a darker territory. Unlike the preceding 4-hour Love Exposure, Cold Fish runs on a little bit too long, and feels repetitive. It deals with many of the same themes, such as the state of families, the unfairness of Japan's society which pushes people to do deperate things and one person's decision to fight for a more pleasant ending. One still can't claim that this tale filled with hopelessness, fear and pain isn't gripping. Cold Fish is also trencehed in black humour Sion handles very well. He also utilizes a lot of the familiar Christian imagery in the background of its violent atrocities. By delivering another corker, Sono is well on his way of becoming his native country's most interesting  modern filmmaker.

★★★★

The Troll Hunter (Trolljegeren)
Director: André Øvredal
Norway, 2010

As much as I'd like to think this kind of "lost footage", handheld camera fantasy film has seen its heyday, every once in a while comes along a truly fun one. This plays like the mixture of Cloverfield and Rare Exports, all the while staying decidedly Norwegian. I especially enjoy how straight-faced the director Øvredal depicts his really ridiculous fantasy story. 

While looking to do a documentary film about bear pouchers, film students Finn, Kalle and Johanna stumble upon a fact hidden by the Norwegian government. The huge trolls from folk tales do exist! They begin to follow a troll ranger Hans (the kick-ass Otto Jespersen) around, doing his daily job. Hans has a problem at his hands as more and more trolls have broken their habitat and eaten cattle. The poor chap is in charge of all the trolls in the whole country and has to execute the most dangerous specimen. Tired of his dangerous and dreadful job, he plans to unveil the truth about how trolls are handled, and thus helps the students to finish their film by taking them along.

There's been so many re-imaginings about vampires and such common folk tale-creatures that one has to wonder why no one thought of doing the same for trolls before. In Øvredal's version, trolls can smell the blood of a Christian (not atheists or apparently muslims) and turn to stone or explode by sunlight (or the UV light equivelent). And they look as silly with their big noses and beady little eyes, as they would in an illustration in a children's book. The trolls do not, however talk, or have eating contests with people. A lot of time is to create the athmosphere of changing places, so there's a lot of shots of people sitting in cars, listening to a Norwegian easy listening radio and looking at the landscape. There's a lot of road movie in the film. The Troll Hunter is a little bit overlong and would need tightening up from here and there. But when it is funny, it is inventive and exciting and thus well worth a watch for all genre-fans.

★★★ 1/2


Violent Naples (Napoli Violenta)
Director: Umberto Lenzi
Italy/France, 1976

I was informed only later on that this Eurocrime film is in fact a direct sequel, to a film called Violent Rome. This might explain why it seemed to take off so soon in the beginning. It's not a hard film to follow, after all. Violent policemen chase after even more violent criminals to bring down their organization.

The moustached inspector Betti (Maurizio Merli) arrives to Naples and seems to be pissed off about it. The crime boss Comandante welcomes him into town by attempting to kill him right from the start. Criminals are afraid of the tough, uncompromaising yet fair and untouchable one-man army. Betti wovs to bring down the town's mafia and starts to systematically bring down crime Poor petty riminals get to feel his wrath as he is a man who will smash their faces into car windows to get answers.

Like is usual for an European crime film of that era, the corruption goes to every branch of the society and it can be weeded out only by being tougher than the toughies and squarer than a mathemathician's window frame. There's also a fine chase scene or two through the picturesque streetviews of the city of Naples. This one ends on a Unibahn track. It's a pity I had just previously seen the brilliant Fear Over the City, after which almost anything would seem more boring. Violent Naples is a fine basic genre piece, yet there is very little to bring it forward among its peers. Of course, this view might also be because of my tiredness.

★★★

Love Camp 7
Director: Lee Frost
USA, 1969

Love Camp 7 is apparently a pioneer of nazi prison camp exploitation films. This sub-genre was at its peak from the golden age of grindhouse cinemas in the 70's to the video nasty times of the 80's. They offer some cheap tits, bush and sadism, and pass it all claiming to be based on actual events. This all seemed to begin in the summer of '69.

One can see Love Camp 7 comes from more innocent times. Sex scenes comprise of Nazis kissing and squeezing naked women above the waist with their pants on. The violence is not really any more harsh than in mainstream war movies of the time. Some nazi punishments would be cruel in real world, but the sets and actors all are so fake, I wouldn't think anyone would mistake this for being based on any reality. Indeed, most of the nazis were played by jews. And the women by unnaturally fit and big-boobed specimen who seem more comfrotable with their clothes off than with reciting dialogue. The film copy showed in NV seemed to be cut, as we never saw the camp's female doctor even though there was a lot of talk about her.

The story, in case it interests anyone is that two female commandoes are sent to infiltrate the Nazi Camp #7. It is set as a relaxation point for tired soldiers, and houses a bunch of well-built jewish women that Nazi officers and guards are free to rape. The women are in the camp to find a jewish scientist who has an invention that could change the course of the war. Funnily enough, this invention is soon forgotten amid all the sexing.

★★★

Night Of Bloody Horror
Director: Joy N. Houck Jr.
USA, 1969

I'll have to admit that I slept through most of this film and thus am not qualified to give it a rating. It seemed to be a carbon-copy of Psycho, with some really psychedelic imagery. The raw violence is also ahead of its time.

The Late Great Planet Earth
Director: Robert Amram
USA, 1979

Orson Welles hosts this pseudo-documentary by weird cultists that tries to convince us that the End is Nigh. According to the film's logic, since many prophecies in the Bible came true in the early centuries, the Book of Revelations must come true, too. The film goes on to try to prove parts of Revealations to point to modern issues and news items of the 70's. Boy, how the maker's faces must have been red when the Soviet Union broke down before no one had the idea of rebuilding Solomon's castle in Israel. Conviniently the film passes some of the most unbelievable parts of the Book, such as extremely odd-looking angels blowing horns and bringing destruction and Death deciding to avoid the people seeking him.

Welles himself appears in person only in the beginning, picking up a prophet's skull. At the point of late 70's the bloated cinema genius had already sunken to new lows to pay for his whiskey habit. Yet he does bring dignity to this piece that seriously needs it. The filmed filler sequences in the beginning with silly prophets and their misadventures are like something out of Life of Brian. The overuse of similar stock footage, such as missiles getting send up in the air or bombs exploding in a desert, effectively destroy all the poignancy the film is seeking. Although the documentary's claimes are filled with holes, it is not that funny after all. But still a weird enough sign o' the times already passed to bring out a chuckle or two in the middle of the night.

★★

Pieces (Mil gritos tiene la noche)
Director: Juan Piquer Simon
Spain/USA, 1982

Pieces may be my favorite slasher film of all time, so it was a hoot to see it on big screen with an appreciative audience. The film's style and story owes a lot to Italian giallo films of the time, as well as the countless Halloween ripoffs with teens getting killed produced in the US. It's a nice exploitation cocktail, then. But with a lot weirder sequences than one would be used to.

In the 40's a devout Christian mother beats and belittles her child for solving a filthy pin-up jigsaw puzzle. The boy takes revenge by killing the mother with an axe and sawing up her body. 40 years later in a local college, someone is pretending to be a gardener so he has an excuse to run around with a chainsaw and cut teenage girls to bits. On the case are Det. Lt. Bracken (Christopher George), Det. Sgt. Holden (Frank Brana) and undercover setective Mary Riggs (Lynda Day George). For some reason they all seem really adamant of getting help from frat boy stud Kendall (Ian Sera). The school's real gardener (who looks exactly like Bud Spencer) is out of the question even though he happens to be on the crime scene and likes to brawl with arresting police men Incredible Hulk -style. The real murderer must be discovered before he can complete his ultimate goal – a human jigsaw puzzle made out of body parts of women!

Although I love Pieces to pieces, I must admit that it's not the most coherent film of all time. Characters come and go inexplainably and some scenes seem to have little to do with the film's plot, nevermind sense. In one of the best scenes the tennis teacher is attacked by a Bruce Lee clone for no reason. When Kendall arrives on the scene, the karateka shrugs the whole affair off saying he must've eaten bad chop suey. Instead of building a threatening athmosphere or shocking with brutality (of which there is a fine amount), the real strength of Pieces is its talent of really surprising viewers. When the whole film doesn't have to worry about making any sort of sense, it becomes pretty clear that anything can and will happen. This goes on until the final seconds with one of the most WTF endings the horror genre has ever seen.

I am tempted to give Pieces a ★★★★ for it is clearly one of the best slasher films I've ever seen. Yet, I think the Trash film rating does it more favours.

★ or ★★★★★

So this was heaps of fun this time around. Looking forward to the next time. In the words of a dick hungry bimbo in Pieces; I promise to control myself if we do it again.