Three laughs: The Last American Virgin

 

It is hard to rate some trashy films. Films can be really good entertainment in spite of the quality of the filmmaking. In fact, it might be even harder to create unique trash that keeps surprising you than most "quality" films with which you know what you are going to get. It certainly is an even better pleasure to watch them. My friend says that he knows a trash film is worth something if it gets three laughs out of me. I mean proper, good belly laughs when you just can't believe what the film is showing to you, scene after scene. That's as good a rating as any for these movies. Any film that has these three laughs has a special place in my heart.  

★ or ★★★★★

 

Three laughs case file #35:  
The Last American Virgin (USA, 1982)
Director: Boaz Davidson

It's time to go back to school! I'm not usually big into teen movies, but there's an exception to this rule, a kind of ultimate how-I-spent-my-summer-vacation movie. As it turns out, it's also a straight remake of an Israeli American Graffiti ripoff, Lemon Popsicle. A lot of the modernization of Cannon Group's The Last American Virgin tries way too hard to capture the hearts of 80's teenagers, which makes it so preposterous and funny.

In particular, the movie's soundtrack is full of the cheesiest early 80's ballads you could imagine. The melodrama may suit the teenager mindset when every little crush is a matter of life and death, but it seems quite silly when half the movie is dumb dick jokes. Also the sad sack main character Gary (Lawrence Monoson) looks about to cry at any given moment. 

The film quests Gary and his two meatheaded friends during one summer in a quest to get laid. They find plenty of opportunities, but insecurities keep Gary from gatting any. That, and a love for the new girl in the neighborhood, Karen (Diane Franklin). But sadly, there's a triangle drama as Rick (Steve Antin) picks her up and starts developing a relationship. One of the reasons I find this better than most teeny fare is the more realistic feelings of lovelorniness and unfairness throughout. I'm a cynic, but it feels more comfortable than fairy tales. The end scene in particular is a real coup de grace.

 

Three laughs (SPOILERS):

1. As Devo's Whip It plays on the background, first we have a nerd peeping into the girl's dressing room, and as he's caught in the act, it devolves into a scene with the entire gym class measuring and comparing their ding-dongs.

2. In a particularly unrealistic scene straight outta the letters column of Penthouse, the boys are seduced by a sexy Spanish woman, alone at home with her boyfriend being a sailor. The boys take turns in entertaining her in the bedroom. As the tubby Victor (Bryan Peck) get's a go, the other boys peep from the keyhole. KC and the Sunshine Band's That's the Way (I like it) plays as Victor thrusts.

3. In what is undoubtedly the best use of U2 in anything ever, I Will Follow plays on the background as Gary has to work his ass off in order to pay for Karen's abortion. It is intercut with the procedure. Yes, this movie has a U2 Abortion Montage.

Three laughs: A Talking Cat?!

 

It is hard to rate some trashy films. Films can be really good entertainment in spite of the quality of the filmmaking. In fact, it might be even harder to create unique trash that keeps surprising you than most "quality" films with which you know what you are going to get. It certainly is an even better pleasure to watch them. My friend says that he knows a trash film is worth something if it gets three laughs out of me. I mean proper, good belly laughs when you just can't believe what the film is showing to you, scene after scene. That's as good a rating as any for these movies. Any film that has these three laughs has a special place in my heart.   

★ or ★★★★★

 

Three laughs case file #33:  
A Talking Cat?! (USA 2013)
Director: David DeCoteau 

A very cheap family movie about a magic cat helping out a family with their problems might sound innocent enough. But when you have a director like David DeCoteau make it, known from his trashy films, you might be onto something odd. Adding to the comedy is main star Eric Roberts, a veteran on hundreds of movies, most of them bad, cashing in a check with a vocal performance that sounds like it was recorded in his car while driving to get some coffee and donuts. Or maybe the trunk of the car. 

The film has some penny-squeezing qualities (many of which we come to in a minute), some of which is that the main house used in the movie looks suspiciously like a set from a porn movie. And in fact the film's set WAS used in a little film called Ass Worship 13. 

As you might know, cats aren't exactly known for being easy actors in movies, and the tabby Duffy with the physical side of the main part does look like he would have none of the bullshit the film keeps feeding us. He is replaced in the film's poster by a younger, cuter kitten. Other stars are made to be some wood-faced models, except the film's dad, played by Johnny Whitaker, who has some very unusual features for a leading man, which makes him of course all the more interesting to watch. One could only wish one of the cinematic Garfield movies was made with a similar who-the-fuck-cares attitude.

Three laughs (SPOILERS): 

1. The movie has two main houses where the action is set in, but it leaves even The Room behind in its obsessive use of establishing shots. Hilariously, also many of these don't seem to fit together. Is the film supposed to be set on a beach, or a forest, or maybe the desert? Is it some tropical country or California? Well, at least the movie crept just above the required 85 minute length.

2. Eric Roberts' lazy-ass dialogue is heard throughout the movie but in fact the titular cat can only talk to people once each. During the first 15 minutes it might be hard to recognize when people are hearing the cat, but once he really talks, you can't help but notice. The reason being that the cat's mouth has been animated by the cheapest possible MS Paint images put into a GIF animation possible.

3.Getting back to the gay porn qualities of the movie, although the film has the most white bread and milquetoast romantic comedy plot possible, we do have an extensive scene where Justin Cone and Daniel Dannas have a conversation by the pool. The film lingers very long on the wet, shirtless and fit young dudes' bodies. The question remains if there's a problem the cat didn't help the boys with or if this is just an obsession of director DeCoteau he couldn't shake even when making a kids' movie.

Your Sister was a Werewolf and your Father Smelled of Elderberries!

Don't ask why, but I felt like writing about something and that something happened to be a variety of werewolf movie sequels from the 80's. And why not, it's not as if this blog's format wouldn't allow for me to fulfill such urges.

The Howling 2: Stirba the Werewold Bitch (USA/UK, 1985)
Director: Philippe Mora

There are several names for the sequel for Joe Dante's tongue-in-cheek cult film, and I of course use the one which I prefer. This film is also known as The Howling II: Return and The Howling II: Your sister is a Werewolf, which, while an actual quote from the film, doesn't quite have the same catchiness to it.

This is one of those cheapo films where they somehow had tricked Christopher Lee himself to act in, of which the legendary actor has felt nothing but regret since. Lee is one of my very favorite actors of all time, since there isn't a title so lowly that he couldn't liven it up with his undeniable charisma, grace and style. The film returns the favor by having him go to a punk rock club incognito and dressing him up in silly new wave sunglasses. The film is perhaps even a bit more clearer a comedy than its predecessor.

The film begins with the funeral of Karen White, the main character from Dante's film. Karen's brother Ben (Reb Brown) hears the truth from an attending werewolf hunter, Stefan Crosscoe (Lee). He convinces Ben to travel to Transylvania, along with his new girlfriend Jenny (Annie McEnroe) to kill the werewolf pack alpha bitch, the 10,000-year-old Stirba. She (in the form of Sybil Danning) hosts occult bisexual orgies at her castle and spreads werewolfism around the globe. Unless she's destroyed, she'll take over the world!

There's no denying this film's cheesiness, but there's a lot of an endearing quality to it. The film views all of the Balkans as a backwater area, where people still live like in Mediaval times and have an ethnic festival going all year. There's a good Euro-sleaze athmosphere going on in the scenes taking place in Stirba's castle.

There's lesbian undertones, dwarves, spanking, a horrible giant bat effect and other craziness going on all around. It's all in good fun and one can't help being entertained by all these horror tropes done suitably well and rolling along in a fast enough pace. The actors (sans Lee) are of course atrocious. Just as you think the film has ended and ran out of ideas, they have a final one in their bag: As the post-punk band Babel reprises their song The Howling during the end credits, footage of Sybil Danning revealing her massive breasts, cut next to various characters in the film reacting in humorous ways. Incredible.

★ or ★★★★★

The Howling III: The Marsupials (Australia, 1987)
Director: Philippe Mora

It seems Philippe Mora still had plenty of more ideas on where to take his werewolf franchise. It also seems he may have had too many ideas about the matter. The third Howling is shot entirely in good ole Australia, and in the patented ozploitation style.

While the werewolf population of Earth suffered a massive blow in the previous installment, some still survive. Case in point is Australia, which has evolved a wholly seperate population of werewolves that have pouches. The anthropologist Professor Harry Breckmeyer (Barry Otto) sees odd wolf-like creatures in old-time footage of aborigine rituals. So he naturally goes to The President Of United States to tell his suspicions of a weird, wolf-like tribe living in the bush.

Meanwhile, among the real wolf tribe, a young girl named Jerboa (Imogen Annesley) flees to Sydney. She catches the eye of a movie producer Donny (Lee Biolos) and is soon picked as a lead for a cheap horror movie. Jerboa and Donny fall in love. But she has to flee again as he realizes she's a bit hairier than he originally saw.

All sorts of crazy bullshit goes on. The film has poor grasp of a central story and there's ever-more left-wing twists to take the film to unsuspected territories. It gives an expression of a formless blob of a movie rather than a quirky comedy with surprises. While there are many fun parts early on (like the movie shoot and wrap-up party), sadly the film's additional scenes are often boring, such as the extended time jump of a werewolves raising a family in the woods. The final scenes bring the film full circle, but it's a bit too little, too late.

The film is admirably crazy, though and at least it's closer to Dante's original than either the first or second sequel in the same series.

★★


The Howling IV: The Original Nightmare (USA, 1988)
Director: John Hough

Let's not even go there. Attempts to be a more serious werewolf affair, fails in almost every aspect. Save for a puddle-based transformation scene, a total waste of time.


★

Teen Wolf Too (USA, 1987)
Director: Christopher Leitch

Rather, let's talk about the sequel to Michael J. Fox's on-the-nose puberty metaphor movie, shall we? It is considered to be one of the worst sequels of all time, and it's not hard to see why. For a comedy, it sure is an unfunny affair, and often doesn't seem to be trying that much.

The movie follows the cousin of Fox's Scott, Todd Howard (Jason Bateman). Everyone is aware that the Howards are werewolves, his uncle Harold (James Hampton) for instance being rather open about it. Rather than fearing the undead, unholy bloodthirsty beasts, this awakens curiosity and enthusiasm in normal people. Todd has gotten a college scholarship in order to bring the Hamilton University's boxing team some fame and glory. But Todd would rather just focus on his studies to become a veterinarian.

Yeah, the puberty undertones aren't that under in this one, either.

For one, the film forgot to add any jokes into its supposedly funny set-up. Scenes have incredibly poor comic timing. Often times it seems that the set up is going towards a punchline, but since the writers couldn't come up with anything humorous, the cast members just react a while and the scene moves on to the next one. It is a bit silly seeing Jason Bateman as a teen heart-throb and a lot of space is given shooting his cute smile spreading to his face. Less funny are the rubberfaced antics of his buddy Chubby (Mark Holton) that soon grow tiresome. John Astin as the cruddy old dean comes across as creepy as he can for no proper reason.

Boxing is an odd choice for the sport to be featured in a college comedy. Here it functions basically the same as in the Rocky movies: all punches, little moving around or blocking. The matches themselves feel like re-hashes of Karate Kid movies with their snooty rivals and whatnot, and not even the good ones. The most memorable thing about the movie is the godawful female mullett on Kim Darby, playing Todd's professor.

★★

HIFF2012: On the Side of the Angels

 It's about time I finished off this year's reporting on the Love & Anarchy Festival. It was swell and all, but I've got other festivals to write about too. On this last look at the festival's films, I've selected several feel-good films, all of them about underdogs of sorts who strive to enjoy their lives and to greatness by doing whatever it is they love. Kind of a good life lesson, and one that encapsulates Love & Anarchy within it. So, until next year, Helsinki International Film Festival!

The Angels' Share (UK/France/Belgium/Italy)
Director: Ken Loach

The acclaimed director Ken Loach tries out a more comedic approach to his latest film. Make no mistake, it is still about the hardships of lowe-class Scots in a society that can't really fit them anywhere. The ensuing adventure or heist may not be very believable, but the film lives and dies by its cast of characters.

The young Robbie (Paul Brannigan) tries to walk the line, leaving his brawling past behind him to become a good husband and a father to his girlfriend Leonie (Siobham Reilly) and his newborn son. But he has problems with both an old family enemy and Leonie's father, who both attack him constantly. Robbie, along with a group of other minor offenders, are given community service renovating a house. During the job they start to bond with each other and their supervisor Harry (John Henshaw). Harry may be the only authority figure to treat these people with any sort of respect.

The film shifts gear when Harry takes the crew to a whisky tasting, where Robbie learns of a highly expensive old whisky being auctioned soon. A caper to earn money to get out of his rat race of a life starts to form in his life. As funny it is to follow the story, it relies in a few too many happy coincidences. One of them is Robbie's almost supernatural born gift of tasting various whiskys.

But as said, the film is as good as its characters, and the cast here is quite well-rounded with memorable characters and good actors. Stealing scenes is the dumb-as-a-bag-of-hammers Albert (Gary Maitland). Loach himself may have figured this out, too, since he gives him all the funniest lines, and even the opening scene of the movie. In that Albert is too dumb to realize he's being asked to move from railroad tracks due to an upcoming train. Such is the problem of many of the individuals on display here. They don't have the capacity to deal with the hostile world around them and consequently they don't realize how self-destructive they are. Only when they figure out a way to pull together and learn to cheat the system for their own ends, does a happy ending arrive (although it's almost sickeningly happy in this case).

Loach is hard-pressed to prove how big a humanist he is, understanding everyone around. The bone-crunching, sickeningly violent fight scenes contarst the happy-go-lucky fairy tale adventure of the rest of the movie, but don't always hit well together. If consequences are real, then the plot hinges on becoming totally unbelievable.

★★★

Gimme the Loot (USA)
Director: Adam Leon

Sold-out screenings sometimes open one's schedule for something else, something totally new. That was the case when I walked totally oblivious to see Adam Leon's independent teen movie about low-class kids hanging out in New York. It's a clever piece of work, selling that it's story is going to be about something in the very beginning when it's more about loitering, hanging around, plotting, and lusting. Really nothing much happens or even advances. Such is life and matched to a good perception of the poorer neighbourhoods in NYC we have a fun, breezy summer flick for the kids. And adults find plenty to enjoy, too.

Malcolm (Ty Hickson) and Sofia (Tashiana Washington) are wannabe graffiti artists who dream of gaining massive street respect, and to get back to their rivals who cover all their best work. They aim to achieve this by bombing the NY Mets Apple, a mascot that is raised every time there's a home run on a baseball game. No one has previously succeeded in this, and Malcolm and Sofia would need some money to successfully complete the job. Malcolm plans to do this by wooing a rich, idle teenager Ginnie (Zoë Lescaze) and stealing money from her parents' apartement.

Leon makes his hard-luck protagonists likeable, even if they are thieving and conning little losers. Such is the might of featuring good bullshitting scenes, and believable street-level transitional scenes. The characters feel real and like they belong to the environment. Leon also has a few brief scenes of underground parties and graffiti-making but these are by no means emphasized and are just there to give a better idea of the life the main characters are living.

The downside of the film is that it features very little in particular in terms of content, so the viewers thoughts about this are in the end kind of a breeze. But the film helps one pass the time until the next screening in a very pleasurable way. You feel as if you had just spent some time with some good friends.

★★★ 1/2

Corman's World: Exploits of a Hollywood Rebel (USA)
Director: Alex Stapleton

This documentary chronicles the incredible career of a true Hollywood rebel and an individual. Roger Corman has shaped so much of how movies have developed from the 50's to the 70's that it's almost impossible to overestimate his influence on American Movie industry in general. He's most beloved by people such as me, who enjoy schlock and exploitation, the films that tend to our most primal needs. But he has also funded and given a much-needed film-school in action to a number of auteurs so large, it's pointless to list them all here. Plus, Corman's own directions, such as his delightfully far-fetched adaptations of Edgar Allan Poe's novellas, are quite good in themselves.

We also get to see Corman on the set of his latest movie, going straight-to-DVD or worse, to be a SyFy channel original. It's another cheapo killer crocodile movie, featuring babes, carnage and rubber beasts just like in the good old days. Old clips make even the most tedious films of Corman's back catalogue seem exciting.

The biggest problem with the documentary is that Corman is such a larger-than-life character with such an amazing career full of twists and turns that it's almost impossible to fit it all comfrotably into 100 minutes. As such, it skips over lengthy creative periods I would've enjoyed hearing a lot more about. This project would have worked better as a television series than just a short biopic.

The strength of the film is that Corman is a very rare breed of person in Hollywood, in that you can say whatever's on your mind about him. He won't sue or even mind, because most of the stories are true anyway, and at the core he's always had a big heart. A large cast of Hollywood's whos-who has participated, including Joe Dante, Martin Scorsese, Pam Grier, Eli Roth and Robert De Niro. Bonus points for leaving motor-mouthed walking film encyclopedia Quentin Tarantino merely to a cameo role as Corman's Oscar presenter. There's plenty of story available here otherwise, as the end credits featuring a large list of interviewees cut out for time, prove.

Jack Nicholson is the most fun interviewee on display here. Thinking about his past with Corman he in turn is laughing, bitching, giving a "fuck you" or two to Roger and seemingly seething with joy over the good old days of youth, drugs and innovative filmmaking. Most surprisingly, he starts crying spontaneously. It doesn't feel staged, and wisely Stapleton directing won't linger or underline the importance of the scene. It really seems like the old actor is moved to tears while thinking about his old friend and mentor.

★★★ 1/2

Shut Up and Play the Hits (UK)
Directors: Will Lovelace, Dylan Southern

Somehow a major portion of rock documentaries these days seem to deal with midlife crises of rock stars. Case in point is the film chronicling the final concert of LCD Soundsystem, the electronic project by James Murphy. The film leaves it unclear as to why Murphy has suddenly grown tired of his stardom, but hints its all due other problems concerning him feeling himself too old to be in the middle of a scene or an idol to millions of hipsters (or, granted, fans of good music in general). And leaving his popular band behind doesn't seem like a solution to these problems anyway.

While a lot of the first act of the film deals on the identity crisis the recluctant rock star Murphy lives with, the real meat of the film is of course on the high-def concert footage of the band's final show in Madison Square Garden. It takes strangely long to get that far, given that the film opens on the day after, seeing Murphy going through mundane everyday things just like any one of us. But when we finally get the flashback of the night before, he's an angel, singing from all his heart and more perfectly than ever. The music doesn't feel melancholic, mechanic or forced, but as one big happy jam, created only through a close collaboration with a big band filled with talented musicians.

While shooting the gig, cameras swoop and swoosh, showing both incredibly close footage of Murphy and his minstrels playing, and the grandiose hall filled with an audience and drowning in light, confetti and the overwhelming emotions. The selection of muisc is a good one, emphasizing songs from the band's best album Sound of Silver.

So with a grandiose ending that leaves a good taste on everyone's mouth, and perhaps a tear or two, it was more than fitting to close this festival. Good show. Very good.

★★★★

Werewolves through the ages

Happy Halloween! Today is a very special day because Night Visions Maximum Halloween Film Festival officially starts today. We've had two special occasions for the visits of directors John Waters and Paul Verhoeven, but the main programme starts today. Whether intentional or not, this year's films feature a small retrospective of Werewolf movies with three films to be displayed, including Joe Dante's The Howling.

Doing a special post celebrating a type of monster on Halloween is beginning to be sort of a tradition here, so what better time to look at our lycanthropic friends. After all, there was a magnificent full moon yesterday.

A werewolf is a creature from ancient legends and has originally been involved in the fear of unknown in nature and the feel that ancient spirits can live on in animals and even possess them. When we fear werewolves, we to some extent fear nature. Thus, the archetype is surprisingly common characters appear all over the world (as do vampires). So it makes sense that this vein has been mined for cinema for years and years. Though there hasn't been a definitive take on the monster (although The Howling, and another werewolf picture made on the same year, come close), they more or less follow similar formulas: A goody two-shoes main character starts to get strange urges, spurts hair and goes out to kill. These werewolf films may not be the best, but they are chosen to reflect on the times on which they were made, which is why they gave weight to different things.

The puberty metaphore is quite clear, which is also why so many werewolf pictures have been made for teenagers. But through the decades there has also been various social changes that have made people doubt whether they are really as civilized as they claim to be. So grab your beast within, wer'e going in.


1930's
Werewolf of London (1935)
Director: Stuart Walker

The first major werewolf picture followed on the heels of other 30's Universal horror classics such as Frankenstein, Dracula and The Invisible Man. Yet it didn't become as big a classic as them. Why not? Well, for one, the star Henry Hull lacked the charisma of your Bela Lugosis, Claude Rainses and Boris Karloffs. Add that to the fact that he decided not to wear the make up assigned to create a believable werewolf, rather choosing a more modest approach. While that might have been as creepy, it didn't really look all that wolf-like or iconic. Luckily the make up had a chance for another run later on.

The American attitude of the 30's was to isolate themselves from all the war and carnage going on elsewhere in the world, largely because the Great Depression ensured there was enough problems back home. As such, the film reflects isolational views to stay out of foreign places and their businesses. The werewolf curse is caught by a scientist attacked studying flowers in the mountains of Tibet. The beastly ways of the foreigners are contrasted by, what else than Victorian stuck-up British people, that are sickeningly polite and down-to-earth, not giving any space to superstition or fantasy in their lives whatsoever.

The tragedy of the story is that the werewolf's condition keeps him away from his wife, while he stays locked up in rooms in an attempt to control his blossoming rage. This can also be seen as a sort of sexual frustration. The film is not too shabby, although quite theatrical in style, but it's central themes have also been done better multiple times since, which is why it's a little more obscure than some of its peers.

1940's
The Wolf Man (1941)
Director: George Waggner

It seems Universal itself wasn't that happy with how The Werewolf of London turned out (although it was a moderate hit). They made another film, this time set on a countryside villa and its dark forests rather than in an urban setting such as London. The themes are more along questioning the power of heritage, and family. Can a son bent on violent outbursts and losing control of his personality be considered a proper heir?Screenwriter Curt Siodmak was a Nazi concentration camp survivor, and his cynical outlook on people and their underlying brutality is reflected on his work. Jack Pierce's original make up designs are unleashed this time with wonderful results.

Lon Chaney Jr. brings great tragedy to the title role, and he is supported by the likes of Claude Rains, Bela Lugosi and Ralph Bellamy. This time the lycantrophy is a curse much like a disease, spreading from one person until the next until the owner is killed. Symbols and various iconic items are emphasized in the story and in the cinematography. The eerie music choices also underline the strange athmosphere and poetic imagery. Poems are in an important role in the storyline as well:

"Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is bright."

While the film runs quite predictably, the true and tested Universal style keeps the film afloat. 

1950's
I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957)

When teenagers started to spend more and more of their allowance on pop culture, also going to the cinemas, some wise guy had the bright idea to develop popular monster films by adding some teenaged drama into the mix. This film was the first of its kind, and the clear werewolfism metaphor ensures it's well remembered even today. as for the quality, oh brother.

Like many teen pictures at that time, this one is designed to lecture first and bore second. The star Michael Landon is a trouble-making teen, who gets experimental hypnotic treatment. This unleashes the wolf-manners in him, without him knowing it at first. The film builds very slowly and slowly. There's precious few werewolf action and quite a lot more of Landon trying to get answers from authority figures such as parents and doctors on what's happening to his body. The society being prudish, he is of course denied valuable information before it's too late.

Quite boring, but an interesting curiosity of the time. You'll find this is a common theme in this post.

1960's
Curse of the Werewolf (1961)
Director: Terence Fisher

The British Hammer productions jumped at the chance to do new adaptations of all classic horror tropes from Universal's back lot. But sadly not every film could be their Dracula, and many of their monster films were aggressively average. Among these is the production company's foray into werewolf pictures, which had the good idea of having Oliver Reed play the main role. Sadly, although the role would be one the actor would seem to be born to play, he can do little to salvage the film. For starters, the werewolf looks like this:

Run! It's the sideburns monster!

Hammer's approach was to bring back some of the conservatist themes acquainted with the old horror films, yet up the gore and nudity at the same time. This is a story of a boy who more or less grows up to be a werewolf, and thus can be seen as a metaphor for alcoholism / puberty / sex addiction. Bad habits go in the family, you know. Yet the film is stuffy, too slow unraveling its thin story and has little to be frightened or even feel a bit uneasy with. The transformation effects are of course better than in Universal's films but still look dated today. But the sets, costumes and music are all top-notch. This could've worked better as a no-nonsense costume drama set in the old Spain, than as a werewolf picture.

1970's
Werewolves on Wheels (1971)

However, Hammer's classical approach still fares a lot better than the more liberal approach. WWOW is another werewolf movie that seems great on paper is this exploitation pic that had the bright idea to combine then-popular biker flicks to horror movies. Yet rather than to have the goofy fun with the subject the magnificently silly poster implies, the resulting film is a mess in every sense of the word.

The hippie era came to a screeching halt with the Manson murders, and people started to get frightened about Satanist views and youth gangs, such as bikers. At the same time the outsider imago of these groups drew youngsters to cinema seats which explains why a film called Werewolves on Wheels is more about Satanism than lycanthropes.

These bikers are trouble but not enough trouble to lend their shared girlfriend into Satanic sacrifices. But evil monks have set a demon loose, which possesses the lady and turns her into a werewolf whenever it's dark enough that the audience can't see shit happening on screen. On their run from the law across America, the Satanic monster wipes the freewheelers out one by one. No wonder the hippies lost the War for Peace On Earth.

1980's
An American Werewolf in London (1981)
Director: John Landis

The later 70's and early 80's are a sort of a silver age of genre filmmaking. Visionary directors found funding more easily and vastly improved physical effects look stunning even today. John Landis's horror-comedy is one of a rare breed that works equally good in both categories. Since the werewolf curse plagues a young man (David Naughton) and happens parallel to him getting acquainted and interested in a nurse (Jenny Agutter), it's not hard to read sexual undertones into this. Hell, one of the key transformational scenes takes place in a porno theater.

Landis has the good sense of showing very little of his central monster until the very final minutes. The goofy wolf-mask isn't near as scary as the bone-breaking and twisting transformational scenes, or the scene where a terrified British gentleman flees the monster in empty and endless subway tunnels, which barely shows the beast.

Today, the film is best known for its painful-looking transformatinal scenes.

Yet at the same time Landis isn't above the surprise nazi zombie attack, undead mauled bodies of best friends past asking for a piece of toast, or a superbly dumb sex film called "I'll call you next wednesday". The final few minutes revel in destruction and explosions, but lack in impact. If they were a little better this would be a full-fledged horror classic. Now it's just a stellar performance and still one of the best werewolf movies ever made.

1990's
Wolf (1994)

The 90's saw a boom of "erotic" thrillers. And at that time that usually meant an even more sex- and violence-obsessed American films with perhaps even a quick flash of a nipple. This was due, of course, the scare of AIDS and various other STD's killing straight and gay people alike, as well as the tabloidisized news looking for juicy sex scandals and drowning the media revelling in them anyway. Wolf also followed revisionist horror films such as Bram Stoker's Dracula and Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, attempting to update classic stories to scare Generation Xers. As one can see looking at the films today, to little avail. They now seem a bit ludicrous, and clearly products of their time. Jack Nicholson, for instance, still was considered young and virile.

Actually this might just be a more boring, werewolf version of Nicolas Cage's Kiss of the Vampire. Another white-collar worker (played by Nicholson) has a supernatural run-in and his worsening condition makes him act more and more crazy at work. But as a thin yuppie culture parody, it works and he's doing fine. At the same time he fantasizes about sex with about every woman he runs into. He soon gets his wish because his beastlike qualities make women fall for him, but the attraction just may be too fatal for them (see what I did there?).


2000's
Cursed (2005)
Director: Wes Craven

Horror director Wes Craven had such a big hit with Scream in 1996 that he has more or less spent his entire career since to try to recapture lightning in the bottle. The same goes (even more strongly) for screenwriter Kevin Williamson, who never really was nearly as clever as he himself thought. He merely put horror movie nerd's thoughts and gripes into his thin screenplays. The hook gets thin after a while. One example is this update with teenaged siblings sharing a deadly crime of hitting a man while driving around at night. But it's OK since he didn't die and was in fact a werewolf. But it's not OK since he attacks them and runs away, giving them all the curse of lycantrophism.

So these teenagers must do the most forbidden thing in their lives to get rid of the curse, which is to kill an adult. Which is all they dream about! Well that and having sex with each other. Which they do, too! Isn't Williamson a hoot? To be fair, there are a few decent jokes scattered here and there to not make this a total waste of time. But it all seems so played out it's a wonder a man as talented as Craven ever bothered.

As for the creation of werewolves it's bad. Horrible, even. With computer effects, all the elegance had completely vanished from horror films. Since you could do transformational scenes in full daylight, there was little of the poetism that worked around the limits of what old technology could achieve. as such, it's also harder and harder to get sucked in the movie's world and care for the protagonists. Since they are chased by bad CGI or rubber wolves all the time, with sound turned UP, there is little suspense. This what horror films have come to. Bad movies have been made in every decade but rarely has the whole genre been so overwhelmed with mediocrity.

Well, actually there is this new Spanish werewolf movie called A Game of Werewolves. But I'll tell you all about it some other time.