Hooray! The 24th Helsinki International Film Festival opens today. What follows is 10 days of Love, Anarchy and Unforgettable movies. I can understand that some of my readers that don't live in or anywhere near Helsinki might feel sad or jealous because they miss such a big tidal wave of excellent movies. But fret not, because this year is still going to be filled with great movie experiences. To complete my Preview Trilogy for the year, here are some of the most interesting. Consider this also to be a guessing game as to what is the Surprise Film that's going to be shown at HIFF on Thursday 22nd of September.
The Ides of March
Director: George Clooney
George Clooney is the one of the most politically-aligned Hollywood directors we have today. Who better to helm a political thriller where a presidential campaign worker finds one too many dark truths behind the curtain. The cast is certainly impressive, from the soon-to-be-biggest star Ryan Gosling to the always amusing-to-brilliant Paul Giamatti and Philip Seymour Hoffman.
Margin Call
Director: J.C. Chandor
Politics seem to be pop in this autumn's films, and this drama based on the recent economics already created good buzz at the Berlin Film Festival in the spring. Stanley Tucci, Kevin Spacey and that guy who played Spock are bankers behind the foul play that created the recent recession of 2008. And that still kind of lingers on. Economics are mostly numbers, so it's hard to make that into a compelling drama, but this seems to emphasize the decision-makings and group meetings, and seems intriguing.
In Time
Director: Andrew Niccol
Andrew Niccol (of Gattaca fame) returns to smart sci-fi with this yarn of a world where rich people can stay young by stealing years from the poor. So far, so Portrait of Dorian Gray, but wouldn't you know it, someone gets murdered, and recently released Justin Timberlake is blamed. He must clear his name before his time runs out. A good thing about film about a world where no one ages after 25 is that Hollywood can showcase their upcoming talents. So we have Cillian Murphy, Olivia Wilde, Amanda Seyfried and Vincent Kartheiser (from Mad Men) doing their best Inception.
Killer Elite
Director: Gary McKendry
From the less cerebral department we have Crank and Mr. Shoot 'Em Up meeting Robert DeNiro. This is the future of action right here. I honestly will never get bored of seeing Jason Statham kick things or Clive Owen shoot things up. Teaming these two brits from different social classes up is a match made in heaven. Oh yeah, and maybe DeNiro won't suck too much either. Whatever, what really sells is that this preposterous film is claimed to be "based on actual events".
The Rum Diary
Director: Bruce Robinson
For me, the most eagerly awaited film of the fall is what I hope to be Johnny Depp's return to form. He's done a lot of bad film choices since he became the biggest name in Hollywood, but basically playing Hunter S. Thompson has worked well for him before. And in the hands of Withnail & I director Bruce Robinson, this boozy adventure in the Caribbean seems be a billion times funnier and better than all of the Pirates fares put together. I hope they do allow flasks in the theatre, though.
The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn
Director: Steven Spielberg
Of course I await this adventure eagerly as well, but have a bit more fears about it. I have nothing else against motion capture technology, but I still think the human face is the most interesting object one can have in a movie, and it really can't be accurately replicated with a computer. I'd wish Spielberg had implented the real faces of actors into those CGI bodies, so as to not have to look at eyes straight from uncanny valley. But the second trailer does look a lot better than the first, so the end result may surprise us yet. What I'm most happy about, though, is that it seems that Captain Haddock, Thomson and Thompson have been captured on screen accurately.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Director: David Fincher
And the award for the best trailer of the year goes to... David Fincher! Really it's no wonder that the old music video director can shoot a trailer that's so perfectly in rhythm. But what is noteworthy is that he can make the film based on the actually-pretty-average novel that everyone is sick about by now seem exciting. There have been rumours that Fincher has bettered the novel's weak structure considerably, and redone the ending in the process. That leaves an air of excitement over this, because it could really be anything. And also I always welcome a chance to post this poster, that's amazingly hot to be American.
A Dangerous Method
Director: David Cronenberg
On the other hand, here's a trailer that seems at first to be about a pretty general costume drama. But as you know that it's a film from David Cronenberg, it slowly turns much more intimidating. Cronenberg has been fascinated by psycho-sexuality pretty much all his career, and it's intriguing to see him go to the very source of it. And who better to play out the meeting of doctors Freud and Jung than Viggo Mortensen and Michael Fassbender. It seems even Keira Knightley has got some meat in her role as well, even though it's curious that her name comes first in the trailer.
Immortals
Director: Tarsem Singh
From the visually talented director of The Fall comes a seemingly another remake of the Clash of the Titans. But this looks a lot better than that dreck, and also less macho and stupid than 300, to which it compares itself. Singh himself invites compares to Fight Club, whatever the hell that means. But let's not forget that he has the talents of Mickey Rourke and John Hurt to back him on this. The future Superman Henry Cavill stars.
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
Director: Guy Ritchie
And finally, we have the return of Robert Downey Jr.'s brawler Holmes. I hope this will be the franchise's The Dark Knight as compared to the previous film's Batman Begins, as it finally features Holmes going up against his future arch nemesis, Professor Moriarty (Jared Harris). So let's also hope for some witty banter between the two enemies. As for verbal sparring partners, the always excellent Stephen Fry will appear as Sherlock's smarter older brother Mycroft. It is also nice that the bromance with Jude Law's Dr. Watson seems to have survived intact, even if the level of the jokes on the trailer doesn't really shatter the earth. And of course you get a lot more bang for your buck now.
It will be quite the summer of big blockbusters yet again. I love brainless entertainment, but alas, way too many big-budgeted brainmelters tend to, well, suck. Here's my own, unaligned, view on whether this summer's films will be any good or whether they will make any money. They are arranged by the US opening date, so you should check just when are they actually released in your own home country.
Verily, prepare for battle! Thor is probably my favorite Marvel character that hasn't been featured in a film yet. Although the character and his universe are brilliant, I can understand why it might be a hard sell for the reality- and technology-based superhero film industry.
Thor is the God of Thunder who fights wrongs with his enchanted Uru hammer Mjolnir at both his magical home world Asgard as well as in our home world Midgard. Thor also speaks in strange Shakespearean dialect, which probably sold the concept to world's biggest W.S. fanboy Kenneth Branagh. But alas, ye ol' trash talk has been considerably toned down for the movie. Initially I was also disappointed on the design of the film, as it looks nothing like the viking architecture. But I've since come to terms that it is more representative of Jack Kirby's art, so let's hope the story is also representative of the craziness of his battle scenes as well as the dialogue would be representative of Stan Lee's soap opera storytelling. The trailer looks pretty good, with kickass action and a suitable amount of humour for a film this crazy. The awesomeness extends to the casting as well, as we have Anthony Hopkins playing Odin (essentially the Jewish idea of God - vengeful, petty and easily enraged) and most deliciously Idris Elba playing the Norse warrior Heimdall. The film will be worth seeing at least because that part of the casting will bug the hell out of some batshit insane neo nazis. Have at thee! Can we have Matt Damon, Danny Trejo and Steven Seagal as the Warriors Three in the sequel?
Predicted Stars: ****
Box Office Win/Fail?: Win!
May 20th
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Director: Rob Marshall
Studio: Disney
I didn't hate the PotC sequels as much as the rest of the world, yet I still don't carry much enthusiasm for another installment. At least this time around they aren't out to make the world's most expensive epic, which is a good start. The continuing misadventures of Jack Sparrow should allow for all sorts of adventures, and it's good that the franchise has gotten a fresh director to bring out a new vision. It's just a pity that that director of Rob Marshall, maker of... not really anything worth mentioning. Some crappy musicals and a racist melodrama, basically. Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio keep on scriptin'. I would and will only watch this for Ian McShane's performance as Blackbeard.
Predicted Stars: **
Box Office Win/Fail: Kids may still like the series, but I'll still go for Mildly Disappointing, here.
May 27th
The Hangover: Part II
Director: Todd Phillips
Studio: Warner Bros.
Comedy sequels are usually not as funny as the first ones. As the first Hangover was based on various extremities, this can (and probably will) top it in that category and find some even more extreme antics for a boys night out. The setting in Bangkok strongly promises this. Let's hope it is still funny. The first one also had the advantage of being a sleeper hit, as this one is being advertized as a big hit from scratch. So it has that against it. Also, Zach Galifianakis has proved that he can be really, really irritating as well as funny and cuddly, so it's a fine line we're balancing here. Oh, and the celebrity cameos? They've really been done to death as a comedy form all ready. It doesn't work for New Simpsons episodes, I doubt it will work here.
Predicted Stars: ***
Box Office Win/Fail? Win.
Kung Fu Panda 2
Director: Jennifer Yuh
Studio: DreamWorks Animation
I liked the first one, but milking the franchise for too long is what ruined Shrek and it's initial film was better. Oh, DreamWorks. Will you ever learn?
X-Men: First Class
Director: Matthew Vaughn
Studio: 20th Century Fox
The X-Men movies have had a patchy history with movie executives, and the biggest fear concerning the latest installment is the fact that it was produced super-fast in a single year. Well, that and the series' weird continuity. Nevertheless, Matthew Vaughn seems like a good bet to helm a superhero film, even though and because his last film was Kick-Ass, which took a hearty laugh at them. This also has a groovy premise, as it's the first Marvel film which takes place at the same time the original comic was published - in the swinging '60s.
The Hellfire Club is also a fascinating team of villains to have and they seem to be perfectly cast. Also Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy should have the right amount of charisma to pull off portraying the young Professor X and Magneto. But another problem is the series' odd fixation to throw as many mutants as possible to any given film. Now, it may give the film an epic quality, but the viewer can't really emotionally invest in too many heroes. And Havok, Banshee et al always seemed to be real C-list teammembers to me. I wonder why only Beast and Mystique are around from this "First Class" in the original X-trilogy. Could this film end with a surprising massacre?
Predicted Stars: ***
Box Office Win/Fail: Win at least in the toy merchandize business markets.
June 10th
Super 8
Director: J.J. Abrams
Studio: Paramount, Amblin
Abrams is a master in keeping the details of his blockbusters under wraps. It's true with this one as well. What is know is that the film is supposedly a throwback to the kid-friendly Amblin Entertainment films (produced and/or directed by Steven Spielberg). That's not a bad thing per se. But the title and the trailer reveal that this is another one in the line of mystery konster movies that don't interest me any more after Lost and Cloverfield. Abrams is a good director, and I'm willing to give him the benefit of a doubt, but I'm still not holding too high hopes on this.
Predicted Stars: ***
Box Office Win/Fail: I think this might be a surprise Fail. Other, bigger films, with which people know exactly what they're getting, might steal Super 8's thunder. Recent years have seen plenty of kid's adventure films fail anyway.
June 17th
Green Lantern
Director: Martin Campbell
Studio: Warner Bros.
DC has finally started to catch up on Marvel in bringing its characters on the big screen. After Batman and Superman, it is a good call to make a film about a character that has a small universe onto itself. Green Lantern (Ryan Reynolds) is a superhero that's part of an intergalactic Corps that fight evil with rings that can project anything. The problem with DC (compared to Marvel at least) is that most of its flagpole characters don't really have any personalities beyond their superpowers. Nothing could be more boring than their civilian identities. The same rings true with Green Lantern, who's just another big boyscout character. Thus, it seems they have had to steal the characteristics of Tony Stark to make GL a little more appealing for the movie. I'm not really sold on this one. But I like Ryan Reynolds as much as is allowed for a straight man, Martin Campbell can be a heck of a action director, and the idea of Space Interpol seems cool enough. It will be fun to see weird aliens dressed in Halloween costumes, at least. Let's hope for the best.
Predicted Stars: ***
Box Office Win/Fail?: The crazy alien worlds and merciless Iron Man copying might affect the film, and its marketing hasn't been up to task on the Marvel films, so I'm going to say it's going to go with Lukewarm.
June 24th
Cars 2
Directors: John Lasseter, Brad Lewis
Studio: Disney, Pixar
The least possible excitement I could probably get from an upcoming Pixar movie would be if they made a sequel to their single most (and only) unoriginal, obnoxious and boring film. Which is exactly what they did. I hate Cars and as much as I try to think about it, I can't really see how the sequel could one-up the predecessor Toy Story style. The franchise is ultimately flawed: the world is creepy, and supports excessive consumption and the characters as annoying and racist as the worst comic sidekicks George Lucas and Michael Bay ever imagined. I won't see myself watching this ever. The whole film also reeks of having been made while thinking about all the merchandizing money. I blame Disney executives, not Pixar. At least they'll deliver something genuinely interesting next year.
Predicted Stars: **
Box Office Win/Fail: Are you kidding me? It's probably the most profitable film of the year.
Bwa ha ha ha! The robots will have mullets this time!
Predicted stars: *
Box Office Win/Fail?: Win. People will go on paying for Michael Bay movies, no matter what he does that should keep them away.
July 15th
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Director: David Yates
Studio: Village Roadshow Pictures, Warner Bros.
I haven't really followed the films from Part 4 on. I feel the film versions only diminish the joy I got from reading them (once, I might add). So this is the last one in the slavishly faithful series so it probably should be the finale that the series deserves. The trailer looks fine and I heard Part I was decent too. Good for the people that have the patience for these movies. It's probably one of the biggest hits of the summer.
Predicted Stars: ***
Box Office Win/Fail: WIN
July 22nd
The First Avenger: Captain America
Director: Joe Johnston
Studio: Marvel, Paramount (distributor)
One has to wonder why this wasn't put out on the 4th of July? Did they think Transformers was too much of a threat. As I'm not American, Cap certainly isn't among my favorite Marvel heroes. He's too goody two-shoes when he should have the same flaws as America has - rudeness, nosiness, seriously right-wing by his philosophy, being overweight and fighting before thinking. Nevertheless, I became intrigued of this when it was revealed that his adventure takes place during WWII, when the character was first concieved. But then again, the film isn't allowed to use Nazis as villains as a visible Swastika would terminate the toy merchandize. The choice to put the blandest of bland directors Joe Johnston to direct this also doesn't fare well. At least the film has Tommy Lee Jones and Hugo Weaving.
Predicted Stars: **
Box Office Win/Fail?: Win in the US, Fail Internationally.
July 29th
Cowboys & Aliens
Director: Jon Favreau
Studio: Universal, DreamWorks
Besides Thor, my money for the most entertaining film of the summer is are on this film. I love westerns and having Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford do one seems like a dream come true. To have some aliens thrown to the mix seems like the frosting on the cake. It really is just another one of those ridiculously awsome internet-spurned pairings, but hell if that doesn't seem like a good match. Harrison Ford hasn't been in a kick-ass movie since Air Force One, so he needs this (I'd say he did kick ass in the latest Indy, but the movie as a whole wasn't too hot). Daniel Craig isn't sure whether he'll play James Bond ever again so he needs this. Director Jon Favreau has fallen from the favour of Marvel so he needs this. If everyone involved will want this to be good, then it should bloody well be good, then.
Predicted Stars: ****
Box Office Win/Fail: This has a danger of not being based on any previous property, so it might be a hard sell. I do hope this has a quality that will sell the film, but I fear people will rather flock to see Transformers 3.
The Smurfs
Director: Raja Gosnell
Studio: Sony Pictures
Yawn. Another Alvin and the Chipmunks -style CGI- and live action mixture. Y'know. For kids. Everyone in Hollywood (and probably in America) seems to have forgotten the Smurfs lived in medieval times in the original comics, not modern. At least Hank Azaria seems oddly adapt for playing Gargamel. Expect a lot of jokes about farting (called "smurfing" this time) and blue pieces of shit.
Predicted Stars: *
Box Office Win/Fail: Win, as much as it pains me. I really don't trust audiences to go for quality, do I?
August 5th
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Director: Rupert Wyatt
Studio: 20th Century Fox
Having the world come to an end and go on gritty and all rebooted led to good box office scores on The Terminator franchise. So naturally the Hollywood suits figured that they'd do the same to the Planet of the Apes. It's a reboot and gritty origin story. I would've rather had the musical version. I also myself believe that the Apes should've been left in the 60's and 70's. I really can't be bothered with this one. I have a feeling a lot of moviegoers think the same way about this.
Predicted Stars: **
Box Office Win/Fail: I really don't think this has too much going for it. Fail.
August 19th
Conan the Barbarian
Director: Marcus Nispel
Studio: Lionsgate, Nu Image, Millennium Films, Paradox Entertainment
"Conan the Barbarian 2011" is actually the #1 searchword with which people come across this blog. So I promise here and now to do a review of the film when it opens. That being said, I still haven't gotten my hopes up. It's not a bad choice to close the summer period, at least if you're like me and enjoy brutal barbarians steal precious diamonds, attract skimpy-dressed ladies and fight monsters.
Predicted Stars: **
Box Office Win/Fail?: As it has no big stars, no big sale, and it has alienated the fanbase with its wussy PG-13 rating, I'm going to think the box office will only be good if the film is very good. And I have my doubts.
Happy New Year! Last year was pretty good for cinema, but here's hoping this one will be even better! There is a number of great-looking films coming up. Now, these are based on a number of clever marketing. I do realize a year from now a lot of these films won't be on my list of best films of the year. Most of the greatest movies seem to come from out of nowhere. All of these are in a way big films for their studios and thus they have flooded us with material from them already. Then again, these films come from such legendary filmmakers, or based on such great premises that I can't help looking forward to seeing them. Here's my personal top 10. And you know, as 2011 will be a rockin' year, this list actually goes to eleven.
10. (tie) Conan the Barbarian & Judge Dredd
Director (Conan): Marcus Nispel
Director (Dredd): Pete Travis
This is Conan. He's a Barbarian.
Now, I REALLY need some badassiness into my life and two of the baddest motherfuckers in all of fiction are coming to the silver screen next year. Crom and Drokk, I have actually nothing to prove that these films shan't be terrible. Yet the makers of both films promise to deliver R-rated fun and claim to understand the fake swear-word churning violent characters. And I do enjoy both Conan the Destroyer and Sylvester Stallone's Judge Dredd film, even though both are pretty awful, so I might be easy to please. But I'd really like them both to be ridiculously awesome.
This is Judge Dredd. He is the Law.
9. Thor
Director: Kenneth Branagh
As a Merry Marvelite, I am obliged to have one superhero film on every list, every year. Much as I hope Matthew Vaughan's X-Men: The First Class delivers, the smart money's on Kenneth Branagh's Shakespearean demigod-epic. At least that has been in production for more than a year, see. Thor actually is one of the most awesome Marvel heroes that has yet appeared on screen so let's hope seeing a blonde muscle man shouting "Have at Thee" while crunching someone's face with a huge hammer while lightning bolts light up the evening sky will be good entertainment.
8. Drive Angry 3D
Director: Patrick Lussier
Still no sign of anything that is guaranteed to not be shite. That being sad, if the idea of Nicolas Cage being very angry while driving a car doesn't bring butterflies to your stomach, well, I guess you just don't like Nic Cage. Personally, I love him, especially when he's playing a flat-out lunatic. And seems his vigilante character here is right on the money.
7. The Source Code
Director: Duncan Jones
Moon was probably the best debut feature film I've seen since Donnie Darko. I sincerely hope Duncan Jones won't be a one-trick pony such as Richard Kelly. Jones's new film is an action thriller which features terrorism and switching bodies. Sounds cool, and it seems quite psychological as opposed to Face/Off -style ridiculousness. I'm fine either way.
6. The Fighter
Director: David O. Russel
I've long held the opinion that David O. Russel is a good director, but he never gets a chance to prove himself and make his masterpiece. Partially that's probably because he has a reputation of being a difficult director to work with. But that just mean that when it comes to a subject like boxing, he might whip out something stellar from his cast. Mark Wahlberg seems to have a role of a lifetime. I hope that this will turn up to be more than just a Rocky re-hash.
5. Hobo with a Shotgun
Director: Jason Eisener
Okay, this is just for pure stupid fun. If you don't get it by watching the trailer, I can't help you. Starring Rutger Hauer as the Hobo!
4. A Dangerous Method
Director: David Cronenberg
Whenever Cronenberg makes a new film, you better believe it goes to my top 10 most waited for list. Here he reunites with Viggo Mortensen (woo!) to tell the story of the wild days of Psychonanlysis and the friendship between Freud and Jung. Also starring Michael Fassbender, Vincent Cassel and Keira Knightley. I doubt this can go wrong, even if it has a Police Squadesque title. Cronenberg, if anyone, will know his psychology, so this one will be intriguing.
3. The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn
Director: Steven Spielberg
Being European, I've grown up with a love for Tintin comics. They have a very delicate balance of thrills, adventures, slapstick and occasional political commentary. But if there is a trio that I think will get it just right is Steven Spielberg directing, Peter Jackson producing and Edgar Wright screenwriting. Wright nailed comic-to-screen adaptaion probably better than anyone already with Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. The already-released screenshots look a bit weird, but definately like Hergé's drawings. Let's hope the film does justice to his creation both visually than story-wise. Oh, and please let Captain Haddock still be a insult-spurning drunkard.
2. The Tree of Life
Director: Terence Malick
The biggest thing in arthouse cinema in 2011 is of course Terence Malick's new film finally arriving (hopefully). The trailer still doesn't quite give about what it's all about, but seems like it's a poetic description of our brief lives. The relationship with nature seems to play an important part, as always. Some sources say that there will be dinosaurs in the film, which would be awesome.
1. True Grit
Directors: Joel & Ethan Coen
You might've gotten a hint here and there from this blog that I really anxiously want to see this film. The Coen brothers are some of my favorite filmmakers ever, and the book is just about perfect for them to do a western. It is filled with black humour, pondering about the nature of human beings, memorable characters and of course, grittiness. I haven't seen the Hollywood original, but I just know what parts they would polish off the book. Not so with the Coens. I remain pretty adamant that they deliver. There aren't enough good westerns made these days otherwise, so bless 'em for at least trying.
A New Year is coming! I think I've made some real progress on this blog during the course of this year, but since I still have only two subscribers, I'll try to enhance this blog even further. Here's some points of what I'm about to do.
More reviews. I feel genuinely bad for not doing a proper review about The Social Network and some others even though I went to the press screening. That's about to change. I'll write a review here on every film I see, providing I won't write the review to another publication.
More obscure films! I realize I've been focusing too much on stuff that other blogs write about as well. I see plenty of weird shit as well, including a lot of those Movies I-wanna-see. I'll try to write about them, as well as a lot about finnish films. I feel not enough of them is written in English, so I might have a clear advantage on a lot of finnish-written movie blogs.
Personally, I'll try to watch as much as I can from my pile of unwatched DVD's. Currently, it includes the following:
8 1/2
Arabian Nights
Bandolero!
Bay of Blood
Big Bullet
Boiling Point
Caligula
The Canterbury Tales
Confession of Pain
Dave Chappelle's Block Party
The Dead Zone
Decamerone
Delta Force
Delta Force II
Death On The Nile
Les Diaboliques
The Enigma of Kaspar Hauser
Eyes Without A Face
Fanny & Alexander
A Farewell To Arms
Fata Morgana
Full Alert
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
Glengarry Glen Ross
La Grande bouffe
Heart of Glass
The Insider
Joe
Jules & Jim
Kabuli Kid
Ken Park
The Killing of Satan
Machine Girl
Mamma Roma
Obsession
Once A Cop
Once Upon A Time in China II
Once Upon A Time in China III
Pieces
Prison
Punk: Attitude
The Promise
Rififi
Rude Boy
Saló, or the 120 Days of Sodom
Scum
Seraphine
Sonatine
The Story of Richard O
Stroszek
Tales From The Golden Age
They Shoot Horses, Don't They?
Tremors
Twilight Zone: The Movie
The Valachi Papers
The Vanguard
Vengeance is Mine
Violent Cop
Zorba The Greek
So that makes 60 films to watch. More than one for every week. And I'm not even including the Blu-rays and TV DVD's I have. I shoud try to be less a collector and more a watcher. Which I promise to be.
I proved my manhood today by finally going to see The Expendables. It was good enough that I didn't feel ripped off by the kickass trailers and whatnot. But as a huge fan of the reaganist 80's action films, there were some things I would've wished would have been done better.
For instance, this was sold as a team picture, but most of the time it's just Sly and Jason Statham talking. When the team finally assembles for the finale, Terry Crews does all the heavy ass-kicking. Seriously, all Sly, Statham and Jet Li do is get punched a lot. But Crews ain't letting nobody take him for a bitch - ever!
As The Expendables has made army trucks full of money by staying on top of the box office for two weeks, a sequel is on the way. During all the boring parts of the Expendables (ie. parts where there is talking and Arnold Schwarzenegger AND Bruce Willis or Mickey Rourke aren't involved) I used to fantasize about the sequel that would improve upon all areas.
The point for the Expendables was supposed to be to resurrect old 80's actions stars. Well, obviously Sly already resurrected himself with John Rocky and Rambo Balboa. And Mickey Rourke with The Sinster and Wrestle City. And Arnold and Bruce Willis merely cameo in the Exes. That leaves Dolph Lundgren the sole big winner of 80's action guys. All the others in the film are either more modern action stars or wrestlers. I wouldn't want to see the missing action superstars, like Steven Seagal or Jean-Claude Van Damme, in the sequel. Van Damme saved his career with JCVD, Seagal probably does with Machete (even if he doesn't deserve to). I have much better ideas on how Sly should use his sequel-making millions.
Sly isn't actually that good a director. Could we try to resurrect a better 80's action helmer this time? Get John McTiernan to save his career!
And Sly isn't that great a writer either. Seriously, the so-called jokes in Expendables were pretty terrible. Let's resurrect Steven E. de Souza, screenwriter of Commando, The Running Man and Die Hard! And because he also wrote Street Fighter and The Flintstones, get Shane Black to supervize and improve on the one-liners.
We need a good and charismatic main villain. Those lameasses in the Expendables make Bennett look like a potent threat. I'd like to see someone like John Travolta or Nicolas Cage ham it up. Or Christopher Walken, who'll do anything for cash.
Gary Busey! I don't care if he would just play a hobo on the street, he looks like he could take down an Expendable or two with his craziness. You better believe it, butthorn!
Where you have Busey, you should have Mel Gibson. Seriously, that dude would need the sympathy. Although the audience would probably just want to see him shot to tiny pieces. And hell, me too.
More right-wing politics! I'm not gonna lie, as a bleeding-heart liberal, that's part of the guilty pleasure of watching a good ol' 80's action movie. That, and the homoerotiscm. And that might do the Expendables good too. Get the men into a closer team together.
Of the big names, I would like to still see Chuck Norris, Wesley Snipes and Kurt Russel. If the latter can't find proper films after Death Proof, he'll be ripe for ensemble acting soon enough.
BENNETT!
Bill Murray as a ghost.
Mr. T needs to show he's not just a pussy that shuns on the A-Team remake's violence and raps lamely about his mother. Get him to be a bad guy who rips someone's head off with his bare hands.
Ditto Hulk Hogan.
Speed boats!
Get a Predator reunion! It's the best ensemble action film of the 80's. Get Carl Weathers, Richard Chavez and Jesse Ventura on the rival team of the Expendables. You know, the one commanded by Arnold himself!
When all else fails, get Arnold to do a bigger role. I would scrap all the previous ideas just to see a movie where the Expendables take on Arnie - alone!
