Three Laughs: Battle Wizard

It is hard to rate some trashy films. Films can be really good entertainment in spite of themselves, and it is an even better pleasure to find some trash that keeps surprising you than watching most quality films. My friend says that he knows a trash film is worth something if it gets three laughs out of me. I mean proper, good belly laughs when you can't believe what the film is showing to you. That's as good a rating as any for these movies. Any film that has these three laughs has a special place in my heart.

The Battle Wizard (Tian long ba bu, 1977)
Director: Pao Hsueh-li

Last time in this series I somewhat insensitively picked an Italian movie even though it was Chinese New Year. So, now I'm here writing about a film from Hong Kong. I have written on Shaw Brothers films years ago on this blog, but I have to confess, I haven't really ventured that far further into the Rabbit hole of crazy kung fu films.

That's a real shame, since The Oily Maniac is far from the only batshit insane movie to be seen there. Case in point is the fantasy epic Battle Wizard. It's a wuxia epic with magic powers, frickin' lasers and all sorts of strange and wonderful ideas. The main plot concerns a vengeful wizard named Yellow Robe Man (Shih Chung-Tien) avenging his loss of legs by kidnapping a prince's son Duan Yu (Danny Lee). On the way to freedom, the main hero learns kung fu by drinking the blood of a giant snake and falls in love with a kunoichi (female ninja) who has to marry the first man who sees her face. So we're in for a rollicking good time.

Three laughs (SPOILERS):

1. After being surprised in bed with his wife, the first fight starts between Yellow Robe Man and the film's black magic -wielding original Fresh Prince (Wai Wang). The future Emperor finishes fast by pointing his finger and shooting lasers out of it. In fact, he shoots Yellow Robe Man's legs clean off. This gives the first hint that we are not witnessing a run-off-the-mill kung fu epic here.
2. The film has really ridiculous weaponry. The kunoichi like to use a plastic bone that shoots red darts. The head henchman has a single crab-like claw for a hand that also comes unattached with a rope hanging out. But my out-of-nowhere favorite weapon is a box that has a radioactive frog inside. The frog leaps to an enemy's neck and is so toxic that the enemy dies in an instant.
3. Any movie is instantly better once there is a gorilla or other kind of large ape. One of the final obstacles our hero has to go through is a kung fu gorilla. That has got to be the worst Halloween gorilla suit I've ever seen in a movie. Meanwhile, Yellow Robe Man has some extended stilts with which to fight the Emperor. The gorilla is strong enough to crush stone pillars for some reason, but our hero can defeat it by eating a magic frog and by combining snake and frog powers, give out a strong enough laser to first stun the gorilla and then tear it limb from limb. WAI WANG WINS. FATALITY.

The Heroic Female: Michelle Yeoh

Hey ladies! Happy International Women's Day! As it is, cinema is still more or less a boy's club in many parts of the world and both women filmmakers and films about women are still at a minority. This, of course varies from culture to culture. One of the healthiest female images in films comes from Asia, in particular the liberal (compared to mainland China) Hongkong. The Hongkong film industry has raised plenty of strong female role models, both feminine in nature and powerful, independent individuals. The biggest female movie stars include Anita Mui, Zhang Ziyi and Maggie Chung. But the biggest, best of them is Michelle Yeoh, the action goddess. But are her films actually so feminine as they appear on first glance? I take a look at her three early-90s action films to make sure.

Wing Chun (1994)
Director: Yuen Woo-ping

Yim Wing Chun is a mythical figure from China's history, a developer of the wing chun school of kung fu. So who better to tell the story of how young Wing saved her village from bandits and got married than Michelle Yeoh at her kick-assiest and the legendary fight choreographer Yuen Woo-ping.

This poster from Ghana doesn't quite do justice to Yeoh's looks

Wing Chun is a respected woman in a remote small village due to her fighting skills. Yet the male-centric society annoys her since she is supposed to get married and settle down when she would rather help her father work. Thus, she tends to dress as a man to work in the mill without being pestled. When bandits attempt to raid her village, Wing Chun single-handedly defeats them and drives them back to their master.

She also takes it upon herself to protect a woman she saved from the bandits, Charmy (Catherine Hung Yan). Charmy starts to work at Wing's mill and bakery. Due to her beauty, Charmy has plenty of suitors attempting to woo her. But after a fight for her honor, one beaten suitor also sets his eyes on Wing herself. Meanwhile, the leader of the bandits, Leung Pok To (Donnie Yen) plans to arrive to conquer the village himself and beat Wing in the process.

Like wu xia films tend to be,  Wing Chun is a blend of romantic melodrama, fast-paced fight scenes, crude farce humor and a few historical, political points thrown to the mix. While Wing is a strong, independent woman that defies the society's expectations, the film does have its share of crude sexual innuendo as well. Charmy is a typical damsel-in-distress, and the dumb men of the village like nothing more but to ogle at her. The film has some homosexual tension between the tomboy and the girly girl, particularly since Wing dressed as a man is mistaken as Charmy's lover. Their friendship seems to be a bit intimate for them to fondle each others head and shoulders so.

"I'll show those chauvinist men by pulling this phallic object!"

The fights are of course beautiful, detailed and kinetic, and they utilize plenty of phallic objects such as a spear penetrating a wall. A scene featuring a crop grinder has the most sexual imagery. The dumb Chinese farce humor isn't something I'm incredibly fond of, but the things are kept relatively low-key here, so one can concentrate on the fight scenes and how lovely Michelle Yeoh is.

★★★

Once A Cop (Chao ji ji hua, 1992)
Director: Stanley Tong

This spin-off film from Jackie Chan's Supercop series is a bit more serious business than we've used to seeing. But Michelle Yeoh, returning as Jessica Yang, takes the confident lead and proves to be more than a match for euro-trash gangsters and Chinese terrorist groups. The action is kick-ass and plentiful, but the film is perhaps a bit too long.

Jessica is sent to Hong Kong as an observer with a crack unit of the police attempting to take down an international terrorist cell. Hongkongese criminals are working together with a French terrorist (Alain Guernier) to pull off a major heist in the City Bank. Since her fellow officers are weak and unorganized, Yang soon forgets her role, taking a more active stance against the ruthless criminals. She also becomes involved with detective David Chang (Rongguang Yu), bent on capturing the terrorists. But it soon turns out he has a vendetta against the group since they killed his brother. What follows is a crash course between Yang Love and Chang Vengefulness.

Yeoh is at career-best form here. In the beginning she's seen in masculine military uniforms, seeming quite butch. But once she falls for Chang she starts to mellow out and become more feminine. That doesn't stop her high-kicking terrorists, even if the boys mostly do the shooting. One interesting scene shows her grab Chang's Playboy magazine and start to read with interest. The blurry lines of Yeoh's sexuality are here again, but she'll get turned. It's sad to have such paper-thin innuendo over a character that could be used so much better.

Once again, the Achilles' heel of the film is the comedy. I like the slapstick and all, but can't stand the funny faces, farce, and in the gravest crime of all, men dressed up as women. Jackie Chan also does an embarrassing cameo in drag.

★★★

The Heroic Trio (Tong fong sam hop, 1992)
Directors: Johnny To, Ching Siu-Tung

The most unique of the three films on display here is a blend of Chinese folklore, science fiction, crime thriller and even a comic-book superhero movie. For it's a tale of three strong women who happen to have superpowers. They have the same powers as the three most famous female superheroes. Tung (Anita Mui) is The Wonder Woman, a strong, righteous and noble warrior, but with a secret identity. Chat (Maggie Chung) is Catwoman, the super-slick burglar and thief who also has incredible fight skills and can get out of tight spots. And Ching (Michelle Yeoh) is The Invisible Woman, who initially serves the evil warlock (Yen Shi-Kwan).

Bad girls get to have all the fun. Try converting her now!

The three super-heroines use their skills and powers in a very different ways. Wonder Woman attempts to stop the other two and their schemes at first, which makes the three fight each other for most of the running time. But in the end they realize that the Warlock's rising power threatends them all, and the three unite for a super team-up. The men, represented mostly by the police (Damian Lau and Paul Chun) are left to the sidelines. Their incompetence in solving baby-snatching crimes is what springs Wonder Woman into action in the first place. Their place later on is mostly to root for the good guys and to clean up after the bigger scrapes.

Presumably also to patch up her suit later on as well.

The film is thoroughly postmodern which is reflected in how the rise of the new age and the female superstars in the end defeats traditional magic in the story. The tight body-suits, blue lightning and innovative camera movements reflect comic books and anime series in a way that was copied numerous times to films ranging from Irma Vep to The Matrix to Underworld. The effects here are quite good, utilizing wires and practical effects rather than dull computer tricks its carbon copies later would do.

Maggie has nothing but contempt for Underworld, as anyone should.

The main problem with the film is that the goody-goody Mui is a bit bland while the badder girls are hotter and clearly have more fun. In the time where Hongkong was starting to drift back to mainland China, the story of building unity through a common history also rang true. It's not at all a deep film in any way, but it's quirky and fun and inventive and the three leads are as charismatic as ever. And they beat up an androgynous bastard. How's that for female empowerment!

★★★★

The Stars of The Expendables 2

Not long ago, I was browsing for DVD's at my local megamarket, when I happened to see two young boys, about 10-year-olds looking at Die Hard blu-rays. They were totally awe-struck by the plot synopsis at the back of the disc, which promised "one man against a whole skyscraper full of terrorists". The best action films of the 80's will endure for many generations to come, it seems. And for us older fans, the nostalgia trip back to the Golden Age of muscle-films is also upon us. The Expendables are back with a new film, so what better time to look at some of the best work the film's ensemble cast did back in the day? Arnold Schwarzenegger is out of this post because I have a whole series devoted to his films, which I really should continue one of these days.


I seriously think this should be the official theme song of the movie.
Stallone:
First Blood (1982)
Director: Ted Kotcheff

The Vietnam veteran John Rambo (Stallone) arrives to a small American town of Hope, Washington to say hi to an old war buddy. He hears his friend is dead due to cancer caused by inhaling Agent Orange back in the day. The saddened Rambo goes to get a bite to eat, but is stopped by the local sheriff, Teasle (Brian Dennehy). The sheriff doesn't like shaggy, long-haired veterans with five 'o clock shadows in his town. So Rambo is arrested for no reson and tried to shave. But seeing a razor blade gives Rambo a fit and he quickly attacks the entire police precinct and escapes into the woods. A battle of wills and wits begins, as the police start a campaign to catch him.

Would you allow this man to walk around freely at your peaceful town?

Stallone became a major star with Rocky films, and subsequently his adaptation of David Morell's novel was modified a bit to fit his star status. So in the movie, Rambo really doesn't kill anyone, just wounds. The two deaths of the film are more or less accidents, caused by the police's obsession to get Rambo (three deaths, if the officer Rambo throws out of a window didn't make it). Most notably, Rambo doesn't kill himself in the end, which undermines the tragic story of how Vietnam ruined a man's life. Indeed, Rambo's sequels also lessen the impact of the story of a man trying to struggle with his violent past. Since Rambo finds his will to live, he also finds his will to kill. And while the USA hasn't much use for the perfect killing machine home, they can always ship him abroad. All in all, First Blood's either too serious or not serious enough. If the lead role had been given to a real actor, or the director had a better vision, First Blood would be a classic. Now, it's more or less just the prequel, a curiosity piece to the much more Reaganist, in-your-face, violent, Rambo: First Blood Part II.

★★★

Statham:
Crank: High Voltage (2009)
Directors: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor

Jason Statham is kind of an interesting case in The Expendables' casting, in that he still has an action career that doesn't just rely on repeating his past glories. He's sort of the last real action hero still standing (since John Cena has made far too few movies these past years). Given that, his most popular films, The Transporters and especially the Cranks, kind of rely on the action movie tradition to make even the slightest bit of sense. Like the name implies, Cranks parody action movie tropes by cranking everything up to 11; the speed, the violence, the boyish humor, the sexist view about women, the racism, and the ridiculousness. But even though the first one did this pretty perfectly, the problem and the foil of the sequel is that it has to be bigger and even more ridiculous. It becomes painfully obvious that even the makers don't take any of this seriously. While this sense was very thin in the first one, it was still there.

Crank 2 has a massage to the audiences.

Chev Chelios (Statham) was dropped from an exploding helicopter about a mile into the ground in the end of the first Crank. But since he's more or less indestructible, he of course survived. But the Chinese Triads still have a bone to pick with him so they steal the unconscious Chelios and steal his heart. For some reason they also replace it with a contraption that constantly needs electric shocks to operate. So this allows Chelios to go on a rampage to catch the culprits and exact his revenge. Along the way he must also get his girlfriend (Amy Smart) back, since during the hours he has been declared dead, she has taken on a career of stripping and forgotten all about him.

So director-writers Neveldine and Taylor indulge in every dumb idea they ever had. So the film features, for example, a 16-bit video game segment, a fight where Chelios and his opponent grow into giant Kaiju monsters (as blokes in suits, of course), and a cheesy talk show segment that deepens Chelios' character a bit. Such an attempt on a character that's essentially a cartoon is a bit pointless, but at least he isn't too thoroughly explained. We already know what makes him tick; shocks, murders, strippers, running around, fucking around (figuratively), and fucking around (literally). The sheer outrageousness of it all does cause a good laugh or two on the first viewing, but there's little reason to watch this again, since the shock value disappears so quickly.  But it is an admirably crazy movie, and Statham is an admirably crazy movie star.

★★★

Li:
The Legend (Fong Sai-Yuk, Hong Kong 1993)
Director: Corey Yuen

Jet Li should probably be on this list for his American action films, but I thought c'mon, I just reviewed Kiss of the Dragon, I'm not watching Romeo Must Die or anything for this post. For me, Li is the perennial wuxia character due to numerous 90's roles in Chinese martial arts movies, whether from Hong Kong or mainland China. Fong Sai-Yuk is a poster child for such films, as it is about an ancient Chinese legend, and it features romance, comedy, and epic fighting. Not always evenly mixed, mind you.

Fong Sai-Yuk (Li) is a martial arts master in a small Chinese village, yet chooses to keep his talents hidden from the rest. He falls in love with Ting-ting (Michelle Reis), the daughter of the gangster Tiger Lui (Sung Young Chen), who's looking to gain influence across the region. Thus, Lui arranges a contest to give his daughter's hand to the most skilled fighter, who can defeat his wife Miu Chui-Fa (Joephine Sia). But there's foul play afoot, and Fong Sai-Yuk forfeits, and gives his mother Siu-Fa (Sibelle Hu) a chance to compete disguised as a man. This makes Miu fall in love with her. But while all this farce of mistaken identities goes on, there is a secret society plotting to overrule the Emperor. The government's agents are hot on pursuit to find the list of names in the socety. As Fong Sai-Yuk's father is a member, it is up to him to keep the list safe.

So, the plot is quite complex as they tend to be in wuxia epics. If the Chinese legends are not familiar, one must keep on one's toes to keep up. But the action scenes are beautifully realized and the coreography is a marvel. The rural setting while fighting over national issues, also works quite well. The whole cast is good, and Li actually is a bit sidelined since his character has little personality, besides nobility, ambitiousness and love for Ting-ting. But the plot does need an anchor to revolve, and Li does that role in similar movies very well. That's why he's also a good choice in ensemble action films in America, rather than a movie star that drives his own stories as well.

★★★ 1/2

Lundgren:
Showdown In Little Tokyo (1991)
Director: Mark L. Lester

Lundgren's films are often panned, since they are usually cheap straight-to-video stuff. The huge Swedish bodybuilder worked great as a villain in Rocky IV and Universal Soldier, but less so as a hero in his own films. But it's not really Lundgren's fault, for he has the necessary physique and the same twinkle in his eye as Arnold in his best roles. Dolph just chose his roles poorly, and made some flops that ruined his career, such as Masters of the Universe. But for a view of the Lundgren that could have been comes this classic action spectacle from the director of Commando that's just as hilariously awesome and good.

For instance, it has Lundgren dressed like this. But shirtless most of the time.

Detective Chris Kenner (Lundgren) is raising his own private war against the Japanese mafia, the Yakuza. He is partnered with the young, wisecracking Asian-American cop Johnny Murata (Brandon Lee) who doesn't know much about Japanese culture, but can kick some mean ass (and is probably also interested in Kenner's ass). Particulary in Kenner's aim is the ruthless boss Funekei Yoshida (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa), who gets off on murdering call girls. The friend of one of Yoshida's victims, Minako Okeya (Tia Carrere) comes to Kenner and Murata for protection. But the vengeful Yoshida has his bones to pick with the whole lot of them and thus sends his boys over.

A buddy movie, or something more?

The film has everything a man could want; shoot-outs, tits, and bizarrely violent scenes courtesy of Yoshida's over-the-top nastiness. His death scene is also one for the ages. The film's blatant homoeroticism comes through in a lot of the banter between Kenner and Murata. The most famous example being Murata's would-be last words complimenting the size of Kenner's penis. Carrere is a good beard, even though all her nude scenes are obviously done by a body double. Lester isn't afraid of anything, not even breaking the laws of physics time and time again. For example, Kenner can survive a speeding car coming towards him by jumping over the car. He also flips a car over to craete a shield/huge explosion that allows him to escape from a gang with machine guns. This film is lean, mean and outrageously enjoyable. With 75 minutes of running time, ther isn't anything close of being boring in here. It's a film to be enjoyed over and over again whenever one has the time.

★★★★

Norris:
Lone Wolf McQuade (1983)
Director: Steve Carver

I might get a roundhouse kick in the face for this (I'd deserve it), but Chuck Norris is probably the worst action star on this list. The dude has no acting talents, no charisma, and what karate skills he may have had when he was young are rarely, if ever, presented in his later works. But he does have two settings, walk and kill. Also, Norris does love the Texas Rangers. This film features the first time he's played one, and his character here was later toned down for the TV series Walker, Texas Ranger. This is also one of the very few Chuck Norris films I've seen that's also kind of enjoyable to watch.

The opening also really tries to sell this as a modern western.

So "Lone Wolf" McQuade is the sort of Ranger that keeps peace with the use of his extended weaponry. The Mexican border doesn't leak any dirty Mexican drugs whenever McQuade is on the case. But his Lone Wolf abilities have estranged him from his ex-wife and daughter, even though he still loves both of them. At a carnival, McQuade sets his eyes on a new woman, Lola Richardson (Barbara Carrera). But she is also the object of affection to the rich plantation-owner Rawley Wilkes (David Carradine). And Wilkes also has some businesses that don't stand the light of day, so he orders a hit on McQuade. When the Ranger survives, he wages a war against the ruthless kingpin, and attempts to take him out before his loved one's lives are in jeopardy.

It's hard to think of Chuck Norris as an everyman, but that's the image the movie attempts to sell us. He lives in a dirty shack, where he practices his skills with a sawed-off shotgun in the background shooting gallery. In his refridgerator there's nothing but beer cans. Beer is actually a recurring motif in the movie. Richardson attempts to set McQuade straight by replacing his beers with vegetables, which drives him into anger. They have filthy, filthy make-up sex on the yard in a mud pit (seriously). Beer also saves McQuade's life later on, when he's buried alive. He regains consciousness and strength by pouring beer over his head (notice this, all you party people).
 

Chuck does get a chance to show his karate skills this time around, because he's battling David Carradine of all people. But the real beef of the movie is in the massive explosions, shootings and all-around weaponized carnage. Those scenes depicting it are so good, they make even the more boring scenes such as Chuck pining for his old family, somewhat tolerable.

★★★ 1/2

Van Damme:
Kickboxer (1989)
Directors: Mark DiSalle, David Worth

Talking of karate masters that DO know their shit around. Van Damme is an actual martial artist and he will show off his remarkable skills (and splits) in any given movie. I actually didn't see too many Van Damme movies growing up (unlike most of these other guy's movies), so I've only discovered his body of work in my adulthood. But I've got to say, many of his movies hold up good even today.

And he also knows how to PARTY!

One of his best works, this early effort shows Van Damme in his element; fighting in an underground fight tournament. In the beginning his character Alex Sloane is more or less just an observer, trying to talk his brother Eric (Dennis Alexio) from taking part in this tournament. Of course, Eric refuses since he clearly has a death wish. Then he gets killed in the ring by the tough and ruthless Tong Po (Michel Qissi) with his brutal Muay Thai moves. To avenge his brother, Alex travels the world to meet a martial arts master Xian Chow (Dennis Chan) in a Thai jungle and to learn the secrets of Muay Thai. But the bad guys also take notice in his development and decide to stop him from ever completing his training.

This movie is almost like the archetypal martial arts movie. A personal tragedy to fuel the want of vengeance as a motivation, lots of training scenes and faux eastern wisdom, and of course a spectacular final fight with some of the sickest moves you've seen. But being stripped to it's bear essentials really works for this movie. Given his star-making turn in Bloodsport, the aw-shicks, naive character of Van Damme is surprisingly believable and without a hint of pretentiousness. He does gain confidence and cockiness during the course of this movie, but since his expressions more or less vanish due to his training kicking in, it's hard to tell. There's a lot of similar films to this one, but there's some sort of a soul or heart in this that's hard to replicate. Or maybe it is just the violent, brutal fights, I don't know.

★★★ 1/2

Willis:
Die Hard (1988)
Director: John McTiernan

We end this article as a full circle, coming back to the ultimate action film. There's no denying that Die Hard changed the face of action cinema altogether. It began the crumbling of unstopplable muscle-men and began the era of the everyman hero. It's beutifully executed plot, that runs exact like clockwork, was also so effective that about every action movie before the Matrix imitated it in some effect. But what most other action movies didn't succeed in doing, was have a script as razor-sharp, a cast as perfect, and social critique of 80's yuppie-and-other-suitmen-owned LA as bitter.

"Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs."

I'm sure most of humankind knows the story of Die Hard. Well, actually no, because the younger generation may be interested in the film without having an older brother/cousin/friend's older brother show the film on VHS/DVD/Blu-ray, so I might as well recap. The blue-collar working Joe, and down-to-earth kind of guy John McClane (Bruce Willis) arrives to Los Angeles for Christmas. He's meeting his estranged wife Holly and kids after a long while and is hoping to patch things up with them. But his Holiday plans change as he's visiting the Yukatani corporation's Christmas party, and the whole skyscraper is raided by European terrorists. McClane tries to alert the police, but soon finds out he's the only one he can trust in such a tricky situation. But luckily he's a real cowboy and ready for straightforward action. Without outside help, McClane must face off against a super-group of fiendishly clever, cruel mercenaries led by Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman).

AKA The Greatest villain of all Time

So like I've mentioned, McClane's enemy isn't really only the terrorists, but secondarily almost all of LA itself. From the media, to would-be yuppie negotiators, to the stiff police force authority figures, to dumb Vietnam-vet FBI agents, every one just makes the situation worse before it gets any better. The swarmy Euro-trash are ready for anything just to gain a few bucks, which might be a bitter parallel to the financial world of the time. They don't have any principles, but are willing to cheat they have some by ripping off articles from Time magazine. The by-the-numbers American authorities can't deal with that. The only kin McClane finds is another low-level police officer, Sgt. Al Powell (Reginald VelJohnson), who he contacts via a walkie talkie. But his most important ally is his wife Holly (Bonnie Bedelia), who somewhat drives the plot. Holly in particular is an interesting character since she is torn between the surface-level LA go-getting career missile life, and the role of a supportive and appreciated wife of a hotheaded, but loving husband. In the end, the final victory only comes when she lets go of an empty status symbol and give herself entirely into the other role.

Who wouldn't want to kiss this man?

But even though the film is open for such class-ponderings, at it's heart Die Hard is still a kickass  action film with superb setpieces, on-the-edge-of-your-seat excitement, and endlessly quotable oneliners. Welcome to the party, pal!

★★★★★

The Adventurous 00's

The 10 Best Adventure Films of the 2000s – Part 16 in our ongoing series

The Motorcycle Diaries ©2004 Pathé Pictures International

We are heading steadily towards the conclusion for this series. I used to have an idea that I'd do seperate posts about both Martial Arts films and Road Trip films, but in the end, it seems more accurate to shoehorn them both into the same post. Now, it may seem that a few of these films fit pretty loosely to the Adventure genre per se, but seeing as I'd like to cover as many of the very best films of the decade, this is one of their last chances to be featured, so I had to loosen up a little. I see adventure as a film that changes locations during its running course. Die Hard is purely an action film, as it stays among the limits of a single apartement building, but the James Bond movies are action/adventures. Of course, many fine adventure films have already been dealt with in posts such as The Fantastic 00's or The Action 00's. But the leftovers are all the more sweet because of limiting the ranks a little.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Wo hu cang long, 2000)
Director: Ang Lee

This chinese wu xia epic truly changed the face of cinema in the western world. It became the most succesful foreign language film of all time in the Unites States, and its iconography was soon adapted into larger cultural context. It also helped a number of Asian directors whose careers in the US were going downhill – you could be succesful even when going back to your homeland. This brought new chances for new rising for the careers of John Woo, Tsui Hark and the like. Yet, at first viewing, I didn't like the film much. I was subsequentally proven wrong.

The legendary warrior Li Mu Bai (Chow Yun-Fat) decides to give away his famed jade sword as a present to his friend Yu Shu Lieh (Michelle Yeoh). But before he can do that, the sword is stolen by the master thief Jen Yu (Zhang Ziyi). The pursuit is further complicated when Li learns that Yu is working with the notorious assassin Jade Fox (Cheng Pei-pei). The Fox has her own reasons for wanting revenge toward Li.

Part of the wu xia genre is that the characters themselves are legendary and possess superhuman powers. Yet this is never underlined, or explained to viewers used to pampering and thorough explanations. More crucially, the characters act and feel as human as us who don't possess flying kung fu superpowers. The importance is in the melodrama and the relationships between the three-dimensional characters. It's nice to see that the film features multiple strong female characters, who are treated as more than equals in fighting, compared to the men. The action, of course, is also jaw-dropping and beautifully shot.


Hero (Ying Xiong, 2002)
Director: Zhang Yimou

When talking about beautifully shot martial arts films, nothing can hold the candle to Hero, the finest hour in the careers of both director Zhang Yimou and director of photography Christopher Doyle. The eerily quiet landscapes are flowing with living colours and breathtaking beauty. All the better, then, to host a kick-ass wu xia battle. Which come aplenty in this story as well.

Before the reign of the first emperor of China, the kingdoms are raging and there is much bloodshed on the battlefields. The most powerful warlord Qin (Chen Daoming) is gaining power and influence over others fast. That's why there are multiple plots going on to assassinate the ruthless war-mongerer. A minor servant of the warlord, who has no name (Jet Li) defeats three of the most notorious assassins of the land to save Qin. That's why he gains audience with his liege, to tell the stories of his victories. But Nameless has some plans for himself as well.

Hero cuts down on the melodrama on brings on the business. Yet its characters are still finely caharacterized, with subtle strokes. Different fighters have a style matching their name (Broken Sword, Flying Snow, Moon and Sky) and also personalities to match. Usually also their scenes refer to their names somehow. Initially, the film is kind of Chinese nationalistic and preaches that one must obey the leader as he is the only one that can bring peace and unite the country. One may not agree with the statement, but there is still no denying that the resulting film is impressive and beautiful.

Kill Bill, vol. 1 & 2 (2003, 2004)
Director: Quentin Tarantino

Kill Bill vol. 2 ©2004 Miramax

It's hard to believe that before delivering this two-parter, Quentin Tarantino dropped out of the limelight for six years, as it feels like he's been with us from time immemorial. Likewise, it's hard for me to imagine the time watching movies before Kill Bill any more. The first film had a huge impact on me when I first saw it. It is one of the most important films leading me to other films that I've had. Tarantino decided to go even further into his love of old-school films and created perhaps the most kick-ass love letter to martial arts cinema ever created.

Volume 1 presents The Bride (Uma Thurman), an ex-assassin who has tried to escape her old life, and thus been tracked by her former employer and lover Bill (David Carradine). She is shot in her head on her wedding day, yet survives in a coma. When she wakes up, she makes a list and goes to kill every one of Bill's Assassin Squad one by one. In the first film she takes on Vernita Green (Vivica A. Fox), who has managed to leave her old lifestyle a lot more smoothly than the Bride, and O-Ren Ishii (Lucy Liu), the boss of a big Triad gang called the Crazy 88. While Volume 1 is light with its story, the way it executes its action scenes is nearly flawless. The editing, photography and black humour in the script make this one of the best American action films, not just from the 2000s, but ever.

Volume 2 is the more story-oriented of the duo, and thus a bit more uneven in execution. Still, Tarantino manages to pull the rug under the feet of the viewers and brings a real heart into the roaring rampage of revenge. The Bride takes on Bill's loser brother Budd (Michael Madsen), Bill's current lover Ellen Driver (Daryl Hannah) and finally, Bill himself. Even though the film has a few scenes that feel like padding one film into two (particularly the one about asking for directions from Bill's foster father Esteban Vihaio (Michael Parks)), it still has a brutally honest spaghetti western heart beating inside it.

It would be a dream come true if tarantino could finally be arsed to release The Whole Bloody Affair as a blu-ray. The second one could use a few more scenes of the Bride and Bill's backstory, so at least the deleted scenes should be included. But by the way the things are going, we are probably going to get Kill Bill: Vol. 3 before that will happen. I'm not actually particularly interested in seeing that.

Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)
Director: Peter Weir 

Moving on from Martial Arts films to more classic syle of adventure we have this sea-faring adventure that is multiple times more exciting than anything the Pirates of the Caribbean films can throw at us. It's not exactly swashbuckling, with it having a more realistic look at life in a Napeoleonic era war ship. The attempt really makes it such an exciting film for viewers of all ages. Peter Weir is truly a master of making captivating films set on unexpected milieus.

The film deals with the friendship that the determined Captain Jack Aubrey (Russell Crowe) and the more analytical surgeon Dr. Stephen Maturin (Paul Bettany) experience. Together, they're on a trip to destroy Napoleon's most formidable war vessel, the Acheron. To achieve this, Aubrey commandeers his ship, H.M.S. Surprise to a lengthy journey to the south along the coast of South Africa. His men, the ship, and his commands must be taken to the extreme, should they survive the dangerous trip. 

It's a film about different world views and how they can find common ground and peace when facing a threat to both of them. It is also a film about determination,a nd to what extent it can lead. The life of the adolescent sailors is a sad one, but historically accurate. The crew must face horrific conditions among scurvy, gangrene, malnutrition, and of course, enemy bullets and cannon fire. Yet while Weir manages to make all of those elements seem concrete threats, he never forgets the sort of boyish charm the film has, and the excitement of life at the sea. Well done, old boy.
 
The Motorcycle Diaries (Diarios de motorcicleta, 2004)
Director: Walter Salles

A film about the trip that Ernesto Guevara (later to be nick-named Che, played by Gael García Bernal) and Alberto Granado (Rodrigo De La Serna) made through South America on their motorcycle in the early 1950's is bound to be political, right? Well, yes and no. For Guevara's book itself is adored by students across the world for reasons that go beyond political issues. Like the book, the film is more about the sensation of being young, going out feeling the wind in your hair, and experiencing the world first-hand. Like today, back then there were a number of inequalities in the world, and seeing them with your own eyes shaped bothe men for the rest of their lives.

It is also a buddy movie. Ernesto and Alberto don't always see eye to eye on every thing, bickering and teasing each other. Along the trip, there are bound to be a few minor crises, and overcoming them is also a part of the coming-of-age that the film portrays. All of these elements are brought to life by the believable performances by Bernal and De La Serna. Of course, the most important part of this kind of road movie is the sense of being there yourself, which is achieved beautifully with shooting both the magnificent natural landscapes of Argentina, as well as the living conditions the poor working class have in the small villages. Also, in this film it really feels that things are happening, and it is not mind-numbingly boring. Steven Soderbergh should have taken a page here.

O Brother Where Art Thou (2000)
Directors: Joel and Ethan Coen

The first part of their George Clooney-starring Idiot trilogy sees Clooney's Ulysses Everett McGill and two even bigger morons, Pete and Delmar (John Turturro, Tim Blake Nelson) escape from the chain gang in the Deep South of the 1930's. What follows is a sort of Homeric Odyssey, where the boys meet Sirens, a Ku Klux Klan Cyclops (John Goodman), a bank-robbing gangster, and a blind prophet. And they also become succesful bluegrass artists, which makes the film music-filled and lively.

Early on in the film, a treasure is given as a McGuffin, which turns out to be false. Nevertheless, it is one of the most captivating and fun adventures of recent memory. As ever, the Coens have filled the film with outrageously funny comedy, well-observed charecters, just the right amount of absurdism, and some of their own je ne sais quoi. The whole film is shot with a yellow-toned nostalgic lense, which might explain the fondness that this film has towards its Folk music. More than actually updating Homer, the Coens are more interested in creating a mythical history for the roots of a genre of music they adore. Everything else in the film is just a sweet, sweet bonus.

I'm a Dapper Dan Man, myself.

The Road (2009)
Director: John Hillcoat

This is not a very happy adventure. But it is a road movie of sorts. When the world has reduced to nothing but ashes, a father and a son must fight for survival and hit the road to have a purpose. Cormac McCarthy's masterpiece novel is not an easy one to adapt by any means, but John Hillcoat succeeds in the job about as good as would be possible. The film is also very utilitarian – there's no unnecessary metaphors nor parables (and you can make your own mind about those that are there), and the film is to the point. Most of the running time is spent while the father tries to fight off starvation as well as the outside forces who are looking for their own interests. he sleeps one eye open, and ready to protect his son, no matter what the cause. Their journey takes them through what used to be America, but is now nothing more than a giant game of survival of the fittest.

The film is pulled of course by the leading performance by Viggo Mortensen. There isn't anyone who can portray just the right mixture of love and compassion, yet also hard-nosed determinism and the ability to resolt to brutal acts to achieve that, quite like him. Beside the father and the son, other characters are pretty disposable, popping up for a quick cameo of sorts. But nevertheless Hillcoat also manages to cast these small roles very well, and altough the film has major movie stars, they feel believable as their characters as well. The film's worldview is bleak as all hell, but it seems that the determined father is not so much the one leading as the son, who still has kindness in his heart. Thus the story has a glimmer of hope in its resolution. The children may yet turn out better than their parents did.


Sideways (2004)
Director: Alexander Payne

It felt a little unfair to just leave Sideways in the Comedy list with your Anchormen and Dodgeballs. While Alexander Payne's depiction of midlife crises can also cause just as big giggles, it is also much more than just a vehicle to make people laugh. It is also a melancholic film by nature, and as a mature piece of cinema, head over shoulders better than anything else on that list.

The recently divorced Miles (Paul Giamatti) is an expert in wines, so he takes his best friend Jack (Thomas Hayden Church) out on a trip through California's Napa Valley. Jack is getting married soon, and the trip is a bachelor party of a kind. Or at least Jack takes it as such, trying to get laid as much as he can when his soon-to-be wife isn't looking. Miles is against this, but powerless to stop Jack's raging libido. When he gets drunk, he also starts to feel crushing depression, and is bound to call his ex-wife. Jack also tries to get Miles feel better and hooks up with a pair of friends, Stephanie and Maya (Sandra Oh and Virginia Madsen).

Payne makes films about real people, and Hollywood glamour is far from the film's characters. They are middle-aged, and not particularly well-matured. Every one of them has their personal crosses to bear, but the perfect cast makes them all believable in their vunerability. I've praised a lot of casts in this blog post alone, but the cast in Sideways is so pich-perfect, it could probably take on any of them. Wine as a metaphor is first used as an excuse to deal with something else as their troubles, then as a means of pouring some gasoline into already raging fires, and in the end, a sort of metaphor to life itself. Depending on who's tasting it, the same kind of life can taste bitter or delicious, but it usually pays to let one's feelings mature and allow one to move forward. For a roundabout long-weekend trip, the goal is a long way away looking at the start, but at a comfrotably lofty place looking from the finish line.

Y Tu Mamá También (2001)
Director: Alfonso Cuarón

Teenagers can be just as horny as the middle-aged men. I know, shocking, right? This is another film that I dismissed upon my initial viewing. It felt too much like another teenaged sex romp, only without that many jokes. But I came to my senses. It's certainly not a clear-cut coming-of-age tale, and its ending can actually seem quite bleak. the things that Hollywood films usually praise, like finding the one to love, that friendships endure, and that the journey makes people grow up, don't apply here. Two of the film's three main characters would probably be better off without ever going on the film's trip. But the third one... Better not spoil too much.


The teenaged friends Julio Zapata (Gael García Bernal) and Tenoch Iturbide (Diego Luna) stay at home while their girlfriends go off to Europe to become exchange students. The boys immidiately start to miss their sex life, and start to plan further hookups. They meet Luisa Cortés (Maribel Verdu) at a wedding and try to persuade her to join them to a road trip to find a beautiful secluded beach. The married Luisa is initially recluctant, but suddenly changes her mind when she finds out her husband has been cheating her. The road trip will take strains on the formerly tight friendship between Julio and Tenoch, and also Luisa will walk away with mixed feelings.


The film does sell itself as a sort of teenaged hijink show with loads of sex in the beginning. Director Cuarón has a wicked sense of humour, and isn't afraid to cross boundaries of good taste to show just what is going on in the mind of his main characters all the time. But the heart of the film, which starts to slowly unravel, is that even with a carpé diem attitude towards life, good times start to vanish and seemingly untouchable relationships can also crumble and die. The film surprisingly doesn't seem very nostalgic or autobiographical given its source material, but actually has the sort of in-the-moment sort of rhythm to it. It is a cynical film, in which a road trip doesn't heal all wounds, but also deepens them. But in that, it is also a suitable remedy to all the other road trip movies.





Bubbling Under:


About Schmidt (Dir. Alexander Payne, 2002) – Payne's other soul-searching road trip looks at the difficulties of one's autumn years and coping with losses.

The Darjeering Limited (Dir. Wes Anderson, 2007) – Three depressed brothers try to deepen their souls and to come together during a railroad trip through India. Anderson doesn't veer too much out from his comfort zone, but this is still among his better works.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (Dir. Gillermo Del Toro, 2008) – Del Toro's sort-of superhero film is more of a creature feature, that discards the gothic sensibilities of its source comic, and flows around various magnificently realized fantasy worlds. Better then the first one.

Into the Wild (Dir. Sean Penn, 2007) – A graduate decides to leave everything behind and hitch-hikes to Alaska to survive on his own terms. Ponderous look at the human spirit, a road trip, and a character study of a real-world incident, all at the same time.

Ten Canoes (Dir.  Rolf De Heer, Peter Djigirr, 2006) – These mythical stories about the Australian aborigines open up a lot of questions about our relationship with Earth and the way we deal with our histories.



To Be Seen:
District B13, The New World, OSS17: Lost in Rio, The Russian Ark, Sunshine


So, don't be shy. What are your favorite martial arts / road trip films (or straight-out adventures) from 2000-2009? Also, I'd love suggestions on what I've left out on previous lists for the grande finale of this series.

Shaw Brothers

 
A movie mogul is not a profession restricted merely to Hollywood. A case in point are the Shaw brothers, Runme Shaw (1901-1985) and Run Run Shaw (1907-), who ran a film distribution and movie theatre company from 1924 onwards, and later expanded to producing the films themselves. They released nearly 1000 films during their career, of which many are considered to be classics among Asian cinema. Most of the films were made in Hongkong, but there were some that were made in mainland China and Singapore as well.


During the summer, I watched a complete series which showcased some of the brothers' most well-known works. This is a brief overview of most of the films in that series.

Come Drink With Me (Da zui xia, 1966) 
Director: King Hu

When I visited The Love & Anarchy film festival for the first time ever way back when, they used to still have different retrospectives to different sorts of movies each year. In that magical year the retrospective concerned the back catalogue of the Shaw brothers, and I went to see this. And my mind was blown. The film in question is a clear classic and a pioneer of the Chinese sword and sorcery genre – wu xia. And it wipes the unholy floor with Crouching Tiger and such later manifestations of the genre.

A female warrior who goes by the name Golden Swallow (Cheng Pei-pei) is set to rescue her brother from bandits who have kidnapped him. She defeats a number of thugs from the gang at a darkened bar, which an old kung fu master, known as Drunken Cat (Yueh Hua) observes. He has hidden in the inn posing as a drunkard, but becomes an admirerer and protector of Swallow. The pair sets to defeat the evil priest Liao Kung (Chang Hung-lit) who's keeping Swallow's brother as a prisoner in his temple.

The action comes fast and stedily, and is quite showy by nature. Later on in the film, supernatural powers also come into play, but they seem to fit the universe which the film's characters are inhabiting. Some effects look quite silly nowadays, but there's enough character deepness in our leading duo to keep the viewer interested. The villain is truly hissable, and like in many Asian films, dubiously feminine/androgynous. The film can thus be seen shunning homosexuality, but for such an old piece, such a subtext is forgivable. After all, it's rare that we see such a great ass-kicking female heroine as Golden Swallow here, and not even such a big deal is made of her sexuality.

★★★★

The Magnificent Trio (Bian cheng san xia, 1966)
Director: Chang Cheh

The soldier Lu Fang (Wang Yu) escapes the battlefield and travels to a countryside village, where the corrupt magistarte Wei Huai-yuan rules the peasants with an iron hand. Lu helps the villagers to rise up against their oppressor by helping them kidnap the magistrate's daughter. Wei retaliates by forming a private army from pardoned criminals. To survive, Lu must form an uneasy alliance with his old army buddy Liang Huang (Cheng Lei) and the former criminal Tzu-ching Yen (Lo Lieh).

The colorful adventure isn't quite the bromance I hoped it would be, but it delivers sufficiently good fight sequences and solid humour. The adventure is colorful enough, but it does drag in places and would benefit from a swifter rhythm. The ending is memorable and a clear predecessor to the kind of Heroic Bloodshed films, which directors like John Woo specialize in.

★★★

Shaolin Temple (Shaolin Si, 1976)
Director: Chang Cheh

 
There's a sub-genre in Martial Arts films, that, unlike the Bruce Lee school of movies, delves into the philosphy and mythology of the real fighting style. They are not merely beat 'em up films, but rather something akin to a sports film (like Karate Kid), where a nobody becomes a master by training hard.
The 36th Chamber of Shaolin is the most masterful of these, and I'll get around to it in a moment. The Shaolin Temple is an earlier example of the genre. It also shows that these sorts of films are pretty easy to get wrong, as the audience probably knows the basics of the plot beforehand. If it is not inventive and entertaining enough in its training scenes, the movie fails, because these scenes are what most of the film consists of.

That's not to say that The Shaolin Temple doesn't have it's share of some good training scenes. For one the idea of someone spending time standing in a well with weights around his feet make him a leapfrog-like jumper, is silly enough to work. Too bad the characters are too bland to symphatize with. But the main problem here is that it was overdone so many times after this, that it seems too modest by comparison. And it wasn't even among the first of its kind in these Kung Fu Training -films.

Fang Shih Yu (Fu Sheng) and Ma Chao-hsing (Tony Liu) are accepted to become students in the Shaolin Temple among dozens. Ma is a model student, but Fang is frustrated by the obscurity and the mysterious mysticism in the various tasks they assign for him. Meanwhile, the leading monks in the temple grow concerned by the aggressive Quing clan. The monks reason that the sacred temple must be protected from such a strong enemy. Thus, they accept several Ming soldiers to study to have them as the protectors of the temple. But this move sets up a chain reaction that lead for the Quing to battle the Monks for the destiny of the Temple itself.

★★ 1/2

The Oily Maniac (You gui zi, 1976) 
Director: Meng Hua Ho

The truly odd diamond among these is this sort-of superhero epic, which sees a dweeb accidentally become a toxic superhero years before The Toxic Avenger. This nerd in question, Shen Yuan (Danny Lee) is working at a corrupt prosecutor's office in a deadend job. When his friend becomes accused from murder, Shen seeks a way to rescue him from execution. He turns to a shaman, who reveals he has a tattoo with a spell on it. After Shen has completed some dark magic, when read aloud, the spell turns him into an invincible creature. He then decides to protect the innocent from the scum and become the vengeance, become the night, become... A Clumsy Oil Monster, Which Looks Like the Shit Monster From Dogma. He is truly the hero to strike fear into the hearts of criminals.

Seen here in a bathroom

The Oily Maniac is such silly stuff, that one can't really know whether the people making it have been completely serious. There's a good amount of intentional comedy in it as well. Actually it really doesn't matter as long as the giggles come as often as in this. The Oil Monster's screech every time he appears is stupid enough by itself to bring tears of laughter to my eyes. His theme is ripped from the theme of Jaws. In addition he also seems to have a never-ending supply of silly superpowers. He can appear from a tiny drop of oil, or survive his limbs getting hacked off, or even his head. And there's also a never-ending supply of henchmen for him to kill. The film also has a very exploitative view on women. As it happens, most of them get killed pretty soon after they've revealed their breasts.

I wonder if anyone has ever done a comic where The Oily Maniac faces off against The Swamp Thing. And if not, why the hell not?!

★ or ★★★★★

The 36th Chamber of Shaolin (Shao Lin san shi liu fang, 1978)
Director: Liu Chia-Liang

From a great turkey we move on to another bona fide classic. The 36th Chamber is such a big deal in kung fu movies, I think without it, all of Wu Tang Clan would probably be plumbers or something. It has a huge cult following, and its success lead the way to two sequels and to almost every Martial Arts film made since that.


Once again, a corrupt goverment gives thugs the means to terrorize small villagers. And our hero rises against these wrongs. This time he becomes in the form of San Te (Liu Chia-Hui). But alone he only gets hurt in a fight against evildoers. He flees to the Shao Lin temple, where they teach the famed fighting styles of kung fu. As a young hothead, he doesn't first understand the philosphy of the fighting taught at the uppermost chambers of the temple. But as he starts working his way from the down, he starts to understand that there's more to fighting kung fu than just beating people really really fast and hard.

Knowing is half the battle.

For an action film, the 36th Chamber is quite a slow one, but the film's pace is perfectly realized in its message. Actually, I could watch the training sequences even longer when they're as creativelly realized and beautifully cinematographed as here. In fact, the end sequence where San Te returns to take over his village, feels a bit of a let down. He is simply to overwhelmingly strong against the poor thugs. But that's the power of kung fu for you. It creates respect as well.


★★★★

Five Deadly Venoms (Wu du, 1978)
Director: Chang Cheh

 
Perhaps the most fun of all Martial Arts movies, certainly one of the craziest, FDV's is another old Wu Tang favorite. Usually the styles of kung fu are named after cuddly creatures such as tiger, or monkey. Here, they have five students of wholly unique kung fu styles that are inspired by the most venomous animals alive – and are thus a lot more deadly in combat. The Scorpion, The Lizard, The Toad, The Centipede and The Snake. Not just Spider-Man villains, but kick-ass fighters, taught by one master (Dick Wei) to ensure that his legacy will go on.

When the master learns he's dying, he grows concerned that the Venom gang would use their powers for evil. So, he teaches one last disciple, Yang Tieh (Chiang Seng), a bit of all the styles, and sends him to warn his old friend that the Venoms might come after his vast fortune. Yang must also find out, which of the Venoms has gone corrupt, and which he can trust to help him vanquish the evil ones.

With fine fight scenes, frantic camera work and colorful cinematography, the film has stood the test of time proudly. However, it is the wonderful story, filled with interesting characters, that make this such a beloved cult classic.

★★★★

The Heroic Ones (Shi san tai bao, 1980) 
Director: Chang Cheh

Clearly something happened to the quality control at the Shaw Brothers Studios at the turn of the 80's, since the films after that are noticeably worse. The Heroic Ones is drastically boring for the most of its running time. The viewer is left to wait for a kick-ass final scrap, which is delivered, and is as good as one hoped. But it still doesn't make up for the time spent on melodrama and uninteresting antics of nine quarreling warlords.

These nine have been picked by a wealthy Mogul to overpower one of his rivals. As their mission progresses, the nine start to disagree on some principles. One of the worst offences is of course jealousy over a woman, which drives a wedge among old friends. By the end, several have switched sides just to get even. It all ends on a giant free-for-all battle in a muddy battlefield. There's been a number of better films dealing with similar subjects. The Chinese Seven Samurai this ain't.

★★ 1/2

Human Lanterns (Ren pi deng long, 1982)
Director: Sun Chung

 
Sometimes, The Shaws pushed the borders of what was expected from them. But not always was this  a good thing. The Human Lanterns is a horror story, and as Chinese as they come. It is a story of two rival fat cats, Mr. Tan and Mr. Lung (Tony Liu and Chen Kuan Tai). As they hate each other, they begin an arms race for the most magnificent of lanterns. To win, Mr. Lung hires a seedy lantern maker Mr. Chao (Lo Lieh), who promises that he can create the most beautiful lantern the city has ever seen. He only asks that no one can see the result before it is completed. As you can guess from the title, the material comes from people. It is human skin to be precise, coming from kidnapped women. So far, so Ted Bundy.

But unfortunately, the film is not outrageous enough to work as a crazy gore film, nor exciting or suspensful enough to work as a proper horror film. Altough the acting and the effects are bad, they are not overtly so, so this is no camp or cult classic either. Mostly it's just boring quarrelling again. The film does have a moral about greed, as the would-be Croesuses get to feel the affects of Chao's nihilism and hatred against man kind at their own home.

★★