Three Laughs: Battle Wizard

It is hard to rate some trashy films. Films can be really good entertainment in spite of themselves, and it is an even better pleasure to find some trash that keeps surprising you than watching most quality films. My friend says that he knows a trash film is worth something if it gets three laughs out of me. I mean proper, good belly laughs when you can't believe what the film is showing to you. That's as good a rating as any for these movies. Any film that has these three laughs has a special place in my heart.

The Battle Wizard (Tian long ba bu, 1977)
Director: Pao Hsueh-li

Last time in this series I somewhat insensitively picked an Italian movie even though it was Chinese New Year. So, now I'm here writing about a film from Hong Kong. I have written on Shaw Brothers films years ago on this blog, but I have to confess, I haven't really ventured that far further into the Rabbit hole of crazy kung fu films.

That's a real shame, since The Oily Maniac is far from the only batshit insane movie to be seen there. Case in point is the fantasy epic Battle Wizard. It's a wuxia epic with magic powers, frickin' lasers and all sorts of strange and wonderful ideas. The main plot concerns a vengeful wizard named Yellow Robe Man (Shih Chung-Tien) avenging his loss of legs by kidnapping a prince's son Duan Yu (Danny Lee). On the way to freedom, the main hero learns kung fu by drinking the blood of a giant snake and falls in love with a kunoichi (female ninja) who has to marry the first man who sees her face. So we're in for a rollicking good time.

Three laughs (SPOILERS):

1. After being surprised in bed with his wife, the first fight starts between Yellow Robe Man and the film's black magic -wielding original Fresh Prince (Wai Wang). The future Emperor finishes fast by pointing his finger and shooting lasers out of it. In fact, he shoots Yellow Robe Man's legs clean off. This gives the first hint that we are not witnessing a run-off-the-mill kung fu epic here.
2. The film has really ridiculous weaponry. The kunoichi like to use a plastic bone that shoots red darts. The head henchman has a single crab-like claw for a hand that also comes unattached with a rope hanging out. But my out-of-nowhere favorite weapon is a box that has a radioactive frog inside. The frog leaps to an enemy's neck and is so toxic that the enemy dies in an instant.
3. Any movie is instantly better once there is a gorilla or other kind of large ape. One of the final obstacles our hero has to go through is a kung fu gorilla. That has got to be the worst Halloween gorilla suit I've ever seen in a movie. Meanwhile, Yellow Robe Man has some extended stilts with which to fight the Emperor. The gorilla is strong enough to crush stone pillars for some reason, but our hero can defeat it by eating a magic frog and by combining snake and frog powers, give out a strong enough laser to first stun the gorilla and then tear it limb from limb. WAI WANG WINS. FATALITY.