Three laughs: Low Blow

It is hard to rate some trashy films. Films can be really good entertainment in spite of the quality of the filmmaking. In fact, it might be even harder to create unique trash that keeps surprising you than most "quality" films with which you know what you are going to get. It certainly is an even better pleasure to watch them. My friend says that he knows a trash film is worth something if it gets three laughs out of me. I mean proper, good belly laughs when you just can't believe what the film is showing to you, scene after scene. That's as good a rating as any for these movies. Any film that has these three laughs has a special place in my heart.

Three laughs case #16:
Low Blow (1986)
Director: Frank Harris

I had written a post about another film for today, but then I went and streamed this 1986 action movie and plans changed. It is by the renowned stunt actor Leo Fong who stars and wrote the script. Renowned mostly because of this movie, which really is something else. The 50-something Fong plays a former cop private eye Joe Wong, that is prone to shooting first and asking questions later. He always seems like he had just woken from a nap, moves as fastly, is as good a driver as Leslie Nielsen in Naked Gun movies and seems to live in a junkyard. There's some elements in the film that makes me suspect they had a tongue in cheek in certain things (like the running gag of the car not starting), but it's so bizarre and constatnly surprising that it doesn't really matter.

Playing the cultist main villain is Cameron Mitchell himself, who is remembered both from movies by Mario Bava, and taking a paycheck from some of the worst 80's direct-to-vhs actioners. Here he does the laziest and most hungover performance I've ever seen. He has a hood and sunglasses on in every scene (even his sex scene) and usually just sits in a chair, mumbling. His cultists mostly do the powerspeaks and lead the workers in their shady farm. The kidnapped daughter of a millionaire also drives Fong's hired detective to examine the farm, with hilarious results.

I've got to say, here almost every scene is stupider than the last and could be the most hilarious scene in another bad movie. The film has everything, dirtpit fighting, car chases with rusty old cars, cameos from other D-list action stars like Troy Donahue and Billy Blanks, hillbilly bar bands, even ninjas and pro wrestling women make an appearance. Thus, it's even harder to choose the three laughs for this case. I suggest you go and see the movie yourself, you won't believe it.

Three laughs (SPOILERS):

1. The first laugh of the film comes from the first scene, which shows Joe Wong leaving his office with a gun to stop a robbery of a local diner. It's never properly explained how he knew there was a robbery going on, but I suspect they had watched some Charles Bronson movies before writing this scene. Wong enters the diner asking if his ham sandwich is ready, brutally shoots the robbers dead and leaves quipping "Nevermind the sandwich".

2. Probably the most bizarre scene of the movie sees some redneck thughs appear on Wong's junkyard with shotguns and assault rifles to kill him. They've come to the Wong place, as the master of the domain has built his yard full of various traps and hiding places from which to attack his assailants. He keeps appearing out of racks of lumber, doing a quick punch and taking guns away. There's a shot of a thug waking up next to a pack of cute tiny widdle puppies, which goes unexplained. Once Wong has disarmed the gang, he goes on to take a plank and smash the windows and then a chainsaw with which to slowly tune their car a convertible, before the thugs go and run away.

3. In the climax assault on the cult compaund, Wong runs into one of the thugs from the junkyard scene, who laments the destruction of his car. Wong punches him out and on the floor the thug reaches to take his gun from his pants. But then Wong starts to make a punch and the camera cuts to hit feet where he stomps the thug's face as if it was made from birthday cake. This hilarious Riki-Oh -like overpowered violence scene has to be rewinded and watched again and again, which may be the reason why this movie is a bit pricey to be purchased today.